"How are you doing?"

"How are you doing?"
I still am never sure exactly how to answer that question.
Partly because if I answer honestly there is no easy way to reply and even if I could formulate an answer, I think there are very few people who are looking for a real answer.
Don't get me wrong, I know that I am loved. 
I know that people care.
I also know that question is most often asked as a nicety,
as a socially accepted greeting, 
rather than as a real question.
So my reply remains,
"I am hanging in there."
or
"I am doing okay."
Because how do I condense the following:

I miss Bill.
I miss Bill, my husband.
I miss Bill, the father of my children.
I miss Bill, my friend.
I miss Bill, the man.

I laugh.
I cry.
I giggle.
I hope.
I dream.
I mourn.
I rejoice.

Sometimes I am numb,

not sure what I am feeling.

I have moments of misery,
but I am not miserable.

I know Bill's death was real,
but it feels like it was just a bad dream.

I have times of crushing pain,
and I have learned to embrace, not ignore or run from it.

I experience uncertainty
and have learned to stop and think about what I know to be true.

Occasionally I am jealous 
because selfishly I would like to have my husband by my side.

Anger is a flitting emotion
that comes at will and I have to stop, identify it and deal with it.

Happiness comes to visit
and is a welcome guest, but I do not use it as a measure of how I am.

More often than not
I experience indescribable hope, peace and joy.

"How are you doing?"
I wish there was a way to answer and quickly explain that I am doing life in Jesus. If that were understood by the one asking the question, I could answer and they would know, even in the hard, pain filled moments, it is well with me.