stepping away from fear
I don't know where the fear comes from that I am not capable of making big decisions, especially ones involving money, by myself. Perhaps because as a child my family did not have a lot of money. Maybe because after Bill and I married and we never had a lot of extra money and any large purchases were of the necessary variety and we talked together before they were made.
And now I am going solo. And making decisions that are not of a dire need variety. Ones that will reflect my tastes and preferences. (I do seek counsel from those I trust but ultimately the final decision is mine alone.)
I have wrestled doubts.
I have fought fears.
I have wondered, "What if I hate hardwood floors and stained baseboards when they are all in? What if this is one of those things that you think you want and you dream of having, but after you actually get it you realize it is not what you really wanted?"
The last 24 hours was a crossroads of sorts.
Last evening I put my room back together.
This afternoon Jonathan sealed the grout in the tile and set the sink and commode in my bathroom. It is now ready to be used, completing the Master Bedroom.
This evening I sorted through books as I put them back on the shelf and have several totes for the kids to look through. I brought books from upstairs down and integrated them into those on the shelves. Completing the Library.
As I wrestled doubt early today while I cleaned the church I finally told myself, "If you absolutely hate it, put carpet in later. Quit stressing over something that can be changed. And don't be concerned with what other people say of you do decide to put carpet in. It will be not a waste of money to give yourself peace of mind."
I stepped back and looked at the bathroom, the bedroom and the library after I was done working in them. Took a good, long, hard look. There are a few finishing touches to be made, my glider needs to be moved, a mirror needs to be hung, but it is close enough to done that I have come to a conclusion...
I am capable of making wise decisions
and I am not seeing any carpet in my future.
And now I am going solo. And making decisions that are not of a dire need variety. Ones that will reflect my tastes and preferences. (I do seek counsel from those I trust but ultimately the final decision is mine alone.)
I have wrestled doubts.
I have fought fears.
I have wondered, "What if I hate hardwood floors and stained baseboards when they are all in? What if this is one of those things that you think you want and you dream of having, but after you actually get it you realize it is not what you really wanted?"
The last 24 hours was a crossroads of sorts.
Last evening I put my room back together.
This afternoon Jonathan sealed the grout in the tile and set the sink and commode in my bathroom. It is now ready to be used, completing the Master Bedroom.
This evening I sorted through books as I put them back on the shelf and have several totes for the kids to look through. I brought books from upstairs down and integrated them into those on the shelves. Completing the Library.
As I wrestled doubt early today while I cleaned the church I finally told myself, "If you absolutely hate it, put carpet in later. Quit stressing over something that can be changed. And don't be concerned with what other people say of you do decide to put carpet in. It will be not a waste of money to give yourself peace of mind."
I stepped back and looked at the bathroom, the bedroom and the library after I was done working in them. Took a good, long, hard look. There are a few finishing touches to be made, my glider needs to be moved, a mirror needs to be hung, but it is close enough to done that I have come to a conclusion...
I am capable of making wise decisions
and I am not seeing any carpet in my future.
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