Love of my Life
Bill and I celebrated our 37th wedding anniversary a few weeks ago.
Little did I know then that it would be the last one we would share.
I was 17 when we started dating.
I was 18 when we got married.
He was the love of my life.
We loved each other deeply,
but after being married 37 years,
more than 2/3 of my life,
Bill was no longer the love of my life and
I was not the love of his life.
And that is a good thing.
Along the way we have learned to make God the love of our lives.
And the closer we each got to making God the love of our life,
the sweeter our lives as individuals and as a couple became.
37 years and 364 days after we went out for the very first time,
August 30, 1976-
37 years and 23 days after we said "I do, until death do us part"
August 6, 1977-
came August 29, 2014
and"death" parted us, unexpectedly, quickly, blessedly painless for him.
My heart is torn.
My pain is deep.
Deeper than any pain I have ever faced.
And yet...
My heart rejoices-
Bill is home, really home.
He has heard "Well done, good and faithful servant,"
He is rejoicing in the presence of our blessed Savior.
He is at rest, no toiling, no sorrow, no concerns.
I woke up yesterday and realized that I was going to have a new "normal".
As I began to walk this road of grief
I decided to allow myself to cry-and to cry the ugly cry, and not make excuses.
I will allow others to hold me as I cry-
even the ugly cry when I am snotting and groaning.
I give myself permission to scream into my pillow, to punch it as well.
I will nap when I need to.
If I need a little help to relax, I will take that help.
I will also look for opportunities to laugh.
I know that two days is not far along the road of deep grief,
but I think I am on the right path .
I know that God is good, ALL THE TIME and
All the time, GOD IS GOOD.
I know that God has an Eternal purpose.
I know that I do not understand and
I do not have to like the way He works His purpose,
but I am at peace because
I know that God is faithful-
He has always provided just what I need, right when I need it,
and I am confident that He will continue to do so.
I know that God loves me
Deeply
Completely.
And I rest in that love.
I have comfort and confidence in that love.
Without that relationship
there is no way I could survive
the end of a relationship
with a man I loved above all others.
I look forward to the day we will be praising God together in the same place again.
"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants."
Psalm 116:15
Little did I know then that it would be the last one we would share.
I was 17 when we started dating.
I was 18 when we got married.
He was the love of my life.
We loved each other deeply,
but after being married 37 years,
more than 2/3 of my life,
Bill was no longer the love of my life and
I was not the love of his life.
And that is a good thing.
Along the way we have learned to make God the love of our lives.
And the closer we each got to making God the love of our life,
the sweeter our lives as individuals and as a couple became.
37 years and 364 days after we went out for the very first time,
August 30, 1976-
37 years and 23 days after we said "I do, until death do us part"
August 6, 1977-
came August 29, 2014
and"death" parted us, unexpectedly, quickly, blessedly painless for him.
My heart is torn.
My pain is deep.
Deeper than any pain I have ever faced.
And yet...
My heart rejoices-
Bill is home, really home.
He has heard "Well done, good and faithful servant,"
He is rejoicing in the presence of our blessed Savior.
He is at rest, no toiling, no sorrow, no concerns.
I woke up yesterday and realized that I was going to have a new "normal".
As I began to walk this road of grief
I decided to allow myself to cry-and to cry the ugly cry, and not make excuses.
I will allow others to hold me as I cry-
even the ugly cry when I am snotting and groaning.
I give myself permission to scream into my pillow, to punch it as well.
I will nap when I need to.
If I need a little help to relax, I will take that help.
I will also look for opportunities to laugh.
I know that two days is not far along the road of deep grief,
but I think I am on the right path .
I know that God is good, ALL THE TIME and
All the time, GOD IS GOOD.
I know that God has an Eternal purpose.
I know that I do not understand and
I do not have to like the way He works His purpose,
but I am at peace because
I know that God is faithful-
He has always provided just what I need, right when I need it,
and I am confident that He will continue to do so.
I know that God loves me
Deeply
Completely.
And I rest in that love.
I have comfort and confidence in that love.
Without that relationship
there is no way I could survive
the end of a relationship
with a man I loved above all others.
I look forward to the day we will be praising God together in the same place again.
"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants."
Psalm 116:15
Aww beautiful Momma D. I know there is nothing I can do or say to make you or the kids feel better and I apologize for that :( but I know that Poppa Bill will b n every aspect of all of u for ever. I am praying for you.. Love you. Your pansy
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. Bill was a special individual. As I told my congregation about him yesterday, before we've prayed for you and your children, that he was the most Godly person that I've ever met. I didn't know him well, but well enough that when I had a prayer need that I could go to him in complete confidence. His wise counsel helped me through some though times. He was genuine and you are certainly blessed for the time you spent together. I'll continue to pray for you all that through it all, and the hope we have in Jesus, that you will have that "peace that passes all understanding." God bless you.
ReplyDeleteDonnette, this is wonderful...thanks so much for sharing your heart, and being so open. It will help others when their time comes...my heart is breaking for you. But I'm excited that Bill is with his Dad, and his Heavenly Father! Your family is in my prayers. Know that, and that we love you and are so thankful for your witness...Wanda Brooks...
ReplyDeleteDonnette,
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled onto this site. Scott and I (I know it will come back to you who we are) just found out. Know that we are grieving along with you and praying for you. We have fond memories of Sunday dinner at your home, of being in Bill's Sunday school class and being witness to and learning from your example of a godly marriage. God bless.
Scott & Karen Douglas.
Karen, I just realized I never responded! I meant to-but my brain tends to be mush. I remember you and Scott-it was a blessing to share in your lives when you were at KCC as students. I pray you are continuing to grow in your relationship with the lord-when we do that it overflows into our other relationships. love and prayers from me to you and yours!
Delete