today

Today 

I have had moments 

when I have wondered if my lungs were going to be able to take another breath, 

when I have wondered 

how my chest could continue to rise and fall, 

when I have wondered 

how my heart could continue to beat it was so weighted.

Today

I have had moments of comfort:

unexpected hugs

a hand reaching to hold mine

an arm of support

a flower arrangement

Facebook messages

knowing prayers were being lifted up

This afternoon,
as I dwelt on how much has changed in the last month-
how Bill went home
how I came home
and how we will never be together here again-
just when the pain was almost overwhelming
I experienced a respite as I considered how normal my life was 5 weeks ago today.

Monday August 25.
I cannot recall anything out of the ordinary from that day.
Bill probably commented on how Christmas was just four months away.
He probably worked late.
It was just five days out from my meniscus surgery so he probably made a Taco Bell run for dinner.
(Always my choice, not his-he went because he loved me.)
We talked about chapel the next morning. I was not driving so he planned to pick me up.

Tuesday August 26.
Bill got up, kissed me and went to work.
That was the last "normal" thing in our lives.

I am thankful, more than ever before,  for the "normal" things in life.

I am determined, as far as I am able, to LIVE each day, on purpose.