fountain of tears

there have been tears at least once a day for the last two weeks

hurting for friends who are facing their first holiday season without a loved one

my soccer families experiences at Nationals, as teams and as individuals, knowing some were playing their last game

anticipating Mia Rose's birth and all the memories accompanying the birth of a grandchild with Bill

decorating for Christmas, finding the unopened box of the last tree Bill and I purchased 

an early morning phone call informing me that a dear friend's 27 year battle against disease and adversity was over

Thanksgiving, Bill's favorite holiday

Gabriel William's birth, praying my son-in-law would be permitted in the Russian birthing room 

a memorial service for my friend, remembering the demons he battled and celebrating the victory he found in Christ

the 7 year anniversary of a young friends death, thinking about his smile and zest for life

going to Central Park to enjoy the lights with the kids and grandkids, for the first time without Bill 

Bill went home 15 months ago and I still find myself expecting to see him walk in the door sometimes

I think there is a fountain filled with tears that flows and flows and flows. An endless supply. And that is why I have at least one box of Kleenex in every room of my home. The good, soft, expensive ones. I also have extra in the closet for when a box empties. It is the price of loving, these tears. And I would rather have the tears than miss out on the love.