gray day beauty

The past two days have been gray.

Seriously, 

steel gray, solid cloud cover 

has made it feel like near dark all day yesterday and today.

Yet it has been deceivingly warm, making being outside pleasant.

Yesterday I had errands and shopping to do.

Today I was free and since the gusty wind indicated 

the weather would soon be changing, I worked in the yard.

As I filled a 13 gallon kitchen trash bag 

with weeds and debris from my front flower bed

I thought about Bill and how I miss him.

When I think I have reached the end, 

that I cannot miss him in any different way or depth

another layer gets peeled back.

I thought about people I love who are grieving.

I prayed. 

Playing in the dirt is good therapy for me.

The beauty of a cleaned bed is a bonus.

I moved to the back yard. 

Put away some "stuff" and gathered outdoor toys.

Restacked and recovered the wood pile.

Cleaned up after Sam.

(What goes in must come out.)

Worked in the bed the raspberries have spread to.

Mowed the lawn for the last time, for real. 

I thought about how last year at this time we'd had snow

and this year I am mowing grass the week before Thanksgiving.

It is four o'clock and I haven't had lunch

so I warm a can of Progresso vegetable soup,

grab a string cheese and container of mandarin oranges 

along with my cold cup of coffee 

and go out to eat dinner on the back porch with Sam. 

This is what I hear:

a lone cricket

the whoosh of the towering white pine's needles

we planted it as a sapling, barely 12" , it is now over 2 stories tall

rustling  lilac leaves

the pitter-patter of raindrops

the discordant music of three wind chimes 

gifts I received when Bill died, hanging from branches in the pine

traffic

the neighbor's flag being whipped

I close my eyes.

I smell the richness of wet dirt

and think "the neighbor may be baking blueberry muffins" 

as I catch a whiff of deliciousness when the wind blows just right 

I hear the rainfall become steady plops

the gutters doing their job 

and the swish of tires on wet pavement

The rain brings cooler temperatures so I wrap up in a blanket 

and sit on my back porch 

enjoying the experience. 

Dusk arrives.

The rain has increased. 

The temperature has decreased.

That combination is enough to drive me indoors.

I smile as I prepare to go in,

vividly reminded

that there is beauty, 

even on the gray days,

alongside, perhaps even because of,

the wind and rain, 

if we take the time to stop, look and listen,

not limiting ourselves 

by what our favorites are,

what our expectations are,

or what we normally define as beautiful.