Honesty
Honesty
is risky
is freeing
is refreshing.
This fall I had two encounters where men I know
cursed in my presence and I was not offended,
as a matter of fact, I felt honored.
(That doesn't usually happen. Cursing hurts my ears and my heart.)
One man was in extreme pain
and asked me to come alongside him for a time.
In the course of our conversation
he described how much he was hurting in graphic terms.
The other is a homeless man Andrew and I have reached out to.
It had been a while so he didn't recognize me,
but when who I was clicked, he said,
"xxxx yeah, I remember you now. xxxx I can be honest with you."
And there was a visible relaxation in his whole being.
It may seem odd,
but both of these situations left me feeling respected.
Why?
Because both men felt comfortable enough to be honest-
to be themselves.
I have had two female friends apologize to me.
Admitted they avoided me after Bill's death.
Both said sadly, "I have not been a good friend"
and then went on to tell me why they felt that way.
One felt guilty that her husband was alive and mine was not.
She told me her husband has also struggled,
wondering why he made it through some serious health issues
about the same time Bill died.
The other friend said, "I was afraid. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't want to deal with it. If it happened to Bill, it could happen to ____ (her husband)."
Both of those conversations were like breaths of fresh air,
even as my heart ached deeply for them and for me.
Why?
Because they were honest.
No fake apologies or promises that things would change.
(I am going to start checking on you more often, we need to get together soon, etc.)
No excuses for why I hadn't heard from them.
(I wanted to give you space. I have been so busy. Your family...)
FYI: A text, a card or a FB message saying "thinking about you" or "praying for you" is quick, non-invasive, safe communication.
No pacifying "if you need anything, call me, I am always here."
(That was part of the problem. They were "here", in their world, not there, in mine. Though now if I need to reach outside of my small circle it will likely be to one of them because of their honesty.)
No ignoring:
my loss and pain
that they hadn't reached out
that their lack of communication may have caused pain
In choosing honesty these four people risked vulnerability.
Their honesty freed me to love and respect them more.
Our talk added depth to our relationship.
Honesty is refreshing. Honesty is powerful.
is risky
is freeing
is refreshing.
This fall I had two encounters where men I know
cursed in my presence and I was not offended,
as a matter of fact, I felt honored.
(That doesn't usually happen. Cursing hurts my ears and my heart.)
One man was in extreme pain
and asked me to come alongside him for a time.
In the course of our conversation
he described how much he was hurting in graphic terms.
The other is a homeless man Andrew and I have reached out to.
It had been a while so he didn't recognize me,
but when who I was clicked, he said,
"xxxx yeah, I remember you now. xxxx I can be honest with you."
And there was a visible relaxation in his whole being.
It may seem odd,
but both of these situations left me feeling respected.
Why?
Because both men felt comfortable enough to be honest-
to be themselves.
I have had two female friends apologize to me.
Admitted they avoided me after Bill's death.
Both said sadly, "I have not been a good friend"
and then went on to tell me why they felt that way.
One felt guilty that her husband was alive and mine was not.
She told me her husband has also struggled,
wondering why he made it through some serious health issues
about the same time Bill died.
The other friend said, "I was afraid. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't want to deal with it. If it happened to Bill, it could happen to ____ (her husband)."
Both of those conversations were like breaths of fresh air,
even as my heart ached deeply for them and for me.
Why?
Because they were honest.
No fake apologies or promises that things would change.
(I am going to start checking on you more often, we need to get together soon, etc.)
No excuses for why I hadn't heard from them.
(I wanted to give you space. I have been so busy. Your family...)
FYI: A text, a card or a FB message saying "thinking about you" or "praying for you" is quick, non-invasive, safe communication.
No pacifying "if you need anything, call me, I am always here."
(That was part of the problem. They were "here", in their world, not there, in mine. Though now if I need to reach outside of my small circle it will likely be to one of them because of their honesty.)
No ignoring:
my loss and pain
that they hadn't reached out
that their lack of communication may have caused pain
In choosing honesty these four people risked vulnerability.
Their honesty freed me to love and respect them more.
Our talk added depth to our relationship.
Honesty is refreshing. Honesty is powerful.
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