Walls or Windows?

When my relationship with Bill started he quickly became the most important thing in my life. Period. He became the foundation of my life choices. My world revolved around him. What he liked. (or did not like) What he wanted to do. (or did not want to do) I lived to please him. What was important to him became important to me. It did not make for a healthy relationship. I lost myself and I expected more from him than any person is capable of being for or to another person. Slowly the whole "what was important to him became important to me" began to direct my focus away from him and toward God. My foundation shifted. I am beyond thankful for that transformation.

If Bill had remained the foundation of my life, I have no doubt that I would have crumpled into a heap of rubble and become useless when he died. If I had ever begun to "recover" I probably would have built a solid wall to cover and hide the debris.

Bill's death created a gaping hole in my life, but I am still standing. I think I am allowing God to install a window in that hole. One that allows His light to shine into the darkness that accompanies the loss. A window that allows His light to shine out of the pain. An opening that allows me to share with others how I am dealing with the changes. A window that I hope allows others to see how God is at work in me through this messy thing called life.