receiving gifts

It's no secret that I love my family. When we visit things don't always go smoothly, it isn't always easy or comfortable, it is rarely quiet or neat and tidy, but it is always good and it is never long enough. For a few days after they leave I am sad. Every single visit. I am coming off of having part of them here with me for eight days.

Today was the first morning in a week I woke up without the smell of coffee and the sound of little ones to greet me. I got ready for church and came downstairs to make my own coffee and breakfast and to spend a little time with God before heading out the door to gather with other believers. 

I read 1 Peter 2:1-12. 

I wanted to focus on the beautiful things found in verses 9-12. 

But I was tripped up by verse 1.

 "So put away all malice 

and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy 

and all slander." 1 Peter 2:1

malice: I don't see that in myself, but it might be there.

deceit: ouch...I see those times I reply "I'm okay" when really, I am not.

hypocrisy: ouch...this is me when I want others to be honest and I am not willing to do the same or I judge others harshly for things I do myself.

envy: ouch...that monster knocks loudly when I see people with their kids and grandkids close. Don't get me wrong, I am glad they have that, but there are times when I don't deal well with my wish that at least a couple of mine lived in Grayson.

slander: ouch...my venting needs a muzzle

And with that solid butt whooping, I headed to church praying for God to give me courage to answer honestly if someone asked how I was. 

I walked to my front row seat without needing to answer the question. 

(I have to sit in the front row because I get too easily distracted by what is going on all around me. Yes, I know I am a grown adult. That is why I take ownership of where I need to park my rear.) 

My friend, Pastor Aaron sits in the front row too, usually a few seats away. This morning he came in and stood right next to me, giving me a side hug. My tears flowed. I heard God loud and clear, "See this? You have family in Grayson." 

That truth was convincingly confirmed several times throughout the morning. 

Being honest with people who asked how I was turned out to be much easier than I anticipated and it opened the door for a few real life conversations. 

This morning added flesh and heart to my head knowledge that God has me in Grayson for a reason. I was stunned by the thought that if my family lived here I would be consumed by them. I doubt I would make room for and spend time building relationships with these beautiful people around me and my life would be poorer.

When I am willing to accept God's provision, given in His time, in His way, rather than holding out for Him to do it my way, in my time, what I receive is good and perfect. Every single time. 

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17

Today I choose to rest in and trust that God knows what is best for me.