step by step 241/366

I did not want to walk today
no way
no how
but I knew I needed to
so I laced up my shoes
willpower unlocked and opened the back door
I stepped outside
and habit took over
I got in my three plus miles this morning





I did not want to think about what I was doing six years ago today
no way
no how
but my mind kept walking me back there
and as I sat in a lawn chair this afternoon at the Bermuda field
watching 35 kids practice soccer from 3:30-5:30
it took me to a hospital room with just Bill, me and a doctor chatting from 4-4:30
tears rolled down my cheeks and my heart cried
Bill died unexpectedly six years ago Friday August 29th a few minutes after 6pm

how did I make it three miles this morning
and many other mornings
how did I make it through this day
and many other days
how did I face that memory
and many other memories
how will I make it through tomorrow
and all the days the Lord gives me breath
the only way I know how

one step
one day
one memory at a time
and never alone, even when I am by myself
because I have family
I have friends
and Jesus holding me up,
sometimes carrying me 
because no way, no how, I can or want to do this life on my own