Almost every day I click the "On this day" part of FB, curious to see what "they" deem important. Sometimes I read the blog posts that invariably are on there. Two per day. This one is from Monday March 2, 2015. 185 days after Bill's death. I was still counting days at that point (keeping track on a calendar so I wouldn't get them wrong).

Almost every day I click the "On this day" part of FB, curious to see what "they" deem important. Sometimes I read the blog posts that invariably are on there. Two per day. This one is from Monday March 2, 2015. 185 days after Bill's death. I was still counting days at that point (keeping track on a calendar so I wouldn't get them wrong).

New Normal or Reality?

I have been told that I will find a "New Normal".

Like normal is something that can be found.

Normal. Hmmm.

I have never been accused of being normal.

I don't expect it will begin now.

Realities:

There is nothing normal, nor can there be anything normal about learning to live single after living married for thirty seven years.

God is still God. He loves me. He will continue to use me. I need to trust Him. To rest in Him. To love Him with everything that is in me. 

My life is very different than I anticipated and would have chosen it to be. I cannot live like going back is a choice. It isn't. I have to look forward.

Simple things are not as simple as they might appear on the surface and things that look like they should be complicated, often are not.

I am responsible for making decisions about my life that I never anticipated making. And I am learning to do it and not question myself constantly.

I have a broader scope of opportunities/choices to serve now that I am making them based solely on my preferences and commitments. 

"...An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned 
about the Lord’s affairs: 
Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. 
But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband."
I Corinthians 7:34

Reality:
Married life was good, not always easy, but good.
God made it so.
Single life will be good, not necessarily easy, but good.
God will make it so.

Thursday March 2, 2017 

916 days have passed

I am no longer keeping track of days, 

I use an online calculator when I need to know.

Normal is highly elusive, at least it is for me.

I still have never been accused of it.

I am more comfortable living single, but it still is not "normal".

I have learned to trust, to rest in and to love God more deeply.

I am not as afraid to visit the past. I focus forward, but I do look back.

I am doing things I didn't know I would be able to do again.

I am doing some new things.

I am more confident in my decision making abilities.

Married life was good, not always easy, but good.
God made it so.
Single life is good, not necessarily easy, but good.
God makes it so.