more than a smidgen today

I was a sloth until after 2:00 today, 

I just couldn't get moving before then

I made myself walk to KCU for soccer practice this afternoon

I have to get those 10,000 FitBit steps in

it was a beautiful almost 60 degree sunny afternoon

I decided I didn't want to cook supper

so I went to the cafeteria before coming home

this is more than a smidgen

this was half of my supper 

after eating that much boneless chicken tossed in bbq sauce I was still hungry 

but was having a problem sitting in the cafe without crying

I had to leave and knew I would want something later

so the only logical choice was to get a to-go container...

and fill it with five scoops of ice cream

why?

because the way I am missing Bill is almost tangible

it comes like this in cycles

they are getting farther apart, 

but they are still coming

today was the ugly cry and elephant sitting on my chest kind of missing 

and ice cream fixes everything, right?

of course I had to walk home since I walked down there

and by the time I got to the house

I had exorcised* that urge to drown my sorrow in food

there was only one logical thing to do with the ice cream
I didn't want to waste it and I didn't want to be tempted 

so I gave it to Sam.

it's what Bill would have done after eating "just a smidgen"

*not a typo, I was in a spiritual battle and I prayed as I walked

and I do not do this on a regualr basis 

so please do not inform me that ice cream is not good for my dog 💕