feeling like my geranium

 yesterday "felt" like this:

beautiful

alive

fresh

promising

today "feels" like this:

partly blooming

but mostly spent and tired

used up

past its prime

Sarah went home today. Deborah and her family left for a wedding and other visits this week. Having family here and then leave to go on about their lives is never easy and is a factor in how today feels. I know that part of my feelings today also stem from not sleeping well. The past three nights have been filled with dreams, tossing and turning and waking up frequently. 

So this afternoon I intended to nap to try and counterbalance the lack of rest.

I chose the little nook I created this week

it wasn't very productive

my brain wouldn't turn off

but the thoughts were helpful

reflections:

I am creating new rhythms

I am carving out new patterns in the midst of what has always been

I am learning how to live "my" life instead of "our" life

and that is hard work

Back to the geraniums. I've had them in the past and not had much luck. I don't know why, but this year is different. They've been beautiful. Even the blooms that are past their prime have held some appeal. When I looked closely at the first descriptive photo I took for this post, I noticed something in the background. See it, there on the table? No? Follow the arrow. Still blurry? Yeah, it was for me too when I was focused on the geranium, the thing right in front of me rather than on the whole picture.

A closer look will show you something that's flourished and brought more enjoyment than the geraniums or any of my other container plants this summer. A succulent garden, planted maybe six weeks ago, with small plants I took a chance on because they were on clearance for a dollar a piece at Kroger and I desperately wanted to add something different to my life, to try something new.

They've thrived, and as I look at them today I am challenged to continue to invest in familiar things that bring me joy but not be so focused on them that I shy away from, ignore or refuse new opportunities, experiences and relationships. Only God knows what growth lies ahead if I am only brave enough to agree to invest in and try something new.