"Don't cry over spilled coffee"

"Don't cry over spilled milk".

Does that apply to coffee as well?

 If so, someone should have told my eyes.

I could hear the chastisement in my head: "Don't cry over spilled coffee". "You have so much to be thankful for." "Crying won't change anything." 

My immediate family is scattered. None were in Grayson or closer than about a 3 hour drive away Thanksgiving Day. I knew driving to them was not a wise choice because of the issues I am having with my back. Being a passenger is different, you have much more freedom to change position than you do when you are driving and as a rider it doesn't matter if you are distracted. Thanksgiving Day alone is not an option. The plan this year was to join Anita and the Kitchen family for dinner. 

My morning did not go as planned. I was running late, by only a few minutes of when dinner was scheduled to be served but about 30 minutes behind when I'd wanted to arrive. Planning to text from the car that I should be there a few minutes after 1, I locked the door,  turned and my coffee fell out of my hand. A full cup that I'd planned to enjoy with dinner. It splashed. Everywhere. Even up into my freshly shampooed hair. I sent the message that I was going to be late and a picture of the spill.

 I unlocked the door, rinsed the coffee out of my hair and climbed the stairs so I could change my clothes. When I walked into my room I headed not to my closet, but to my nightstand to get my chain with our rings on it. I haven't worn it for years, partly because I don't wear jewelry and partly because the clasp broke several years ago and I could have easily lost the two rings Bill bought me and his wedding band. When the jeweler replaced the clasp he warned that it could break again if I chose to wear all three rings on it. I can't separate them and I won't risk losing these rings so I keep them safely stored. Today I needed to have something tangible to remind that my married and family life were real. I know that might sound crazy, but sometimes it feels like that life was just a dream, with a bit of nightmare sprinkled in.

As I drove to Tiffany and Garrett's tears trailed down my face. Tears of missing what was mingled with tears of thankfulness for what is and for what will be.

I could hear chastisements in my head: "Don't cry over spilled coffee". "You have so much to be thankful for." "You should have cleaned that mess up before going to dinner." The enemy never stops.

And then I heard words of truth:

Those tears may have been triggered by the spill, but they were not fueled by it. Even though I'd used my peppermint mocha creamer in it and I knew I had a mess to clean up and that little accident was making me later than I already was. They had a whole lot more to do with other things that are going on in my life, many of them things I cannot change and am learning to adjust to. 

It is entirely possible to be thankful and still be sad.

It is entirely possible to be thankful for the people you love and who love you that you are going to spend the day with and still miss, be angry, hurt, grieving, etc. over those you don't get to see and share time with.

It is entirely possible to let go of and acknowledge what will never again be, and still treasure memories and acknowledge the need to hold them close sometimes.

It is entirely possible to drop your phone in the middle of your Thanksgiving dinner plate, after crying over spilled coffee, and choose to laugh.

There's a whole world of opportunity to make choices about how you will handle what comes after the coffee spills. I left the mess to deal with later. When I got home tonight I picked up the cup and lid. Tomorrow I will rinse the coffee from the porch.

"Don't cry over spilled coffee". It's easy to say if your cup still holds coffee. It is not helpful to hear if you are the one wearing the coffee and watching the stain spread. What is helpful, at least to me, is having people who love me and are willing to sit in the tears with me. Not ignore them. Not scold me for having them. Not give advice about what I should do differently. 

Today my people were Anita, Tiffany, Garrett and Lynn. Thank you sweet family. And thank you Tiff and Garrett for making the trip into Grayson at 10pm to bring me the plate of food I made and forgot to grab when I left.

PS this post isn't really about coffee.