buzzard life

This morning I thanked God for not treating me as my sins deserve.

"Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other. But—

When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, He saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of His grace He made us right in His sight and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life." Titus 3:3-7

Tonight I was thinking about buzzards. This is a painful, unpleasant and embarrassing post to write, but it is true and will be cleansing.

Buzzards. Recently I see them everywhere. Most often circling in the sky, sometimes just a few, other times what looks to be a whole flock. Occasionally I'll see one or more along the side of the road working on a carcass. Here's the thing: My first reaction is a mixture of disgust at what they do and aversion to looking too closely at where they are because I know it's an indication something is dying or is already dead. My next reaction is sadness for the loss of life. My last reaction, if I allow myself to get that far in my thought process, is thankfulness that they are doing their job. 

I go from seeing them as scavengers, just waiting for a fatal injury to seeing them as a blessing because they help keep things cleaned up in the world of nature. (Can you imagine the stench if they didn't do what they were created to do?)

Sometimes I see people as scavengers. Circling, watching intently, waiting. Anxious to pounce on me while I am down, to pick at me, not because they are doing the right thing, but because they thrive on the pain, weakness and misfortune of others.

Sometimes I've been the buzzard feasting. I've cheered others on who are circling or attacking. Not outwardly, but mentally. Not openly, but secretly. Not because I am doing what God has created me to do, but because the one being picked apart "deserves it". I have also picked others apart with gossip. Oh, Lord, what in the world was I thinking? Who am I to pass judgement on anyone? To rejoice at anyone's pain or misfortune, even when it is the consequence of a bad choice? 

"Oh, Lord, at one time I was foolish. So foolish. I was disobedient. I delighted in evil. Thank you for your protection, even when I was running from You. I have done things I should have suffered for, but escaped without incident. I have willingly put myself in situations that could have easily ended in death. I have also done things and paid the unpleasant, even painful consequences for, and rightly so. 

Thank you for wooing me, for calling me to follow You, for chasing me and never giving up on me. The truth is, without Your mercy and forgiveness, without the gift of my new life, (bought with the price of Yours), without Your grace, kindness and love, my life would be worth nothing. Thank you for removing the decaying, rotting, disgusting life I was living from my bones, for "picking me clean" and making my life brand new. If I fall into the secret buzzard life again I pray You make my life miserable until I come clean and repent."