know when to walk away

this is my memory tree

I never thought I'd keep a "Christmas Tree" up year round,

but I never thought I'd be a widow at 55 either

a friend gave me this tree to use the Christmas Bill died

I couldn't stand the thought of putting up the new one we'd bought 

this one is radically different from anything he would've chosen

it was perfect

that first year I put white lights on it with brand new ornaments

(white lights was another change)

I used it my second Christmas without him

and reused the previous years ornaments

I think the third year I was able to use "his" tree and "our" ornaments

I had fallen very much in like with "my" tree 

I also had some small mementos I wanted to display

my memory tree was born,

and complete with white lights,

it became part of my everyday library decor

when the white lights went bad I replaced them with Bill's favorite 

this fall I noticed part of a strand was out

there were so many still lit it was easy to ignore 

especially since messing with lights is my least favorite tree job

then came November and about half the lights were out 

so I began the process

   

sometimes you have to know when to walk away

sometimes you can't fix it

sometimes life forces you to start over

*Don't you dare use this post as an excuse to not work on restoring broken relationships. People are not things. Please know that I am not advocating staying in toxic or unhealthy relationships. In some circumstances there is no repairing what is broken or reviving what is dead and it needs to be trashed. But sometimes a fresh beginning can happen when the old way of living is put to death and new, healthy choices are made. Don't hang on to what needs to go, but don't give up too easily.