eating humble pie

I tried to download pictures of the chaos my family room is tonight, but for some reason blogger isn't uploading them properly.

I did a thing today.

My house is in disarray.

No, really, it is.

I won't go into all the gory details, but I've been dealing with back issues since the end of September. Cleaning has been, at best, a lick and a promise kind of deal. Christmas is in three weeks. All year I am on the lookout for good deals on fun stuff for gifts for my family. 20 grandkids, 12 adults plus a few adopted loved ones makes for a stock pile of stuff. Black Friday shopping, online, was a real, intense thing for me this year. I have boxes stacked, my big table is covered with items waiting to be sorted, assigned a new owner and wrapped. Not exactly the kind of scene you want to have going on for a good first impression. Especially when they come to the front door that opens up into the library where I have been storing things that are on their way out of my home into a new one. 

Disarray is being kind when describing this chaos.

I invited a new friend into my home this afternoon. Within minutes I asked for a favor. I have a large tote (32 inches long, 19 inches wide, 13 inches deep) full of lego sets I've been collecting for about two years. It was upstairs. I needed it downstairs so I could go through it. I asked her to bring it downstairs. She kindly agreed. 

We had a great visit. And the condition of my house, the fact that I asked a favor of her the first time she and I have ever visited, didn't scare her off. 

The thing I did today? 

I swallowed my pride. 

I didn't worry about the condition of my house.

I asked for help.

Even though the job wasn't hard or time consuming and is something I would gladly do for someone else, I hesitated to ask someone to do it for me. It took one minute. 

Today I realized that since I've recently been forced to acknowledge my weaknesses more often than I ever have before, it is getting easier to admit I can't do it all. 

I need help. 

I am normally a giver, not a receiver. 

Allowing others to help me is opening my eyes to new things about myself that aren't pretty. I am more prideful than I knew. I am selfish-historically I'd rather risk injury than ask for assistance. "I don't want to bother anyone" has been code for "I don't want to be vulnerable or seen as weak or incompetent or lazy." 

My friends, new and old, are willing to help, if they know there is a need. 

My relationships are getting deeper and wider.

Maybe I'll ask for help with the photo issue tomorrow. After all, a girl can't be expected to eat a whole humble pie in one day.