need some good news?

February 1, 2021 I wrote a post asking you to pray for sweet Judah. At four months old he began the battle against Neuroblastoma. I've not posted much since then. But today I had to. Join me on an extremely shortened ride of the roller coaster as I share some of his momma's FB posts. Some were public, some were sent to just her friends. I've asked her permission to share these.

I firmly believe someone needs to know they are not alone.

Judah: September 2021 vs. January/February 2021

Emily, August 18, 2021 (private)

As I lay awake this morning at 3 am for who knows why, my heart is heavy. My heart is tired. I’ve tried posting mostly positive things or informational things on Facebook about our journey with Judah’s cancer diagnosis, but right now it has all caught up with me. I’m still in shock that our son was diagnosed with cancer in the first place. My heart absolutely breaks that he has had to go through all of this. And yes, “good thing is he won’t remember any of this.” That is very true and I am so thankful for that truth, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that he has still battled cancer. I’m sad that kids get cancer sometimes. I’m sad for the kids who have a longer journey than Judah has. I’m sad for the kids who are missing out on their senior year of high school because they’re too sick and it’s too dangerous for them to go to school. I’m sad that these kids have to live in a world with weekly blood work, ports, hospitalizations, food aversions, constant nausea, pain, chemo, radiation, and everything in between. I’m sad for the parents who have lost babies to this awful disease. This has been beyond difficult. I have spent so many nights waking up in a pure panic because I didn’t mean to fall asleep because that meant no one was making sure Judah was still breathing. I’ve cried until I couldn’t breathe. I’ve screamed. I’ve shut down. I’ve been beyond angry; angry at the world, angry at God, angry at those who don’t understand. These are some of the ugly parts of the past year.

BUT

As things are coming to a foreseeable end for Judah’s treatment, I can’t help but be thankful. I am thankful that my eyes have been opened. I have seen God’s love and grace (SO much grace) for his children unlike ever before. I have felt his peace amongst the absolute chaos. I have known his presence as He lay awake with Judah and watches over him while he sleeps so me and Andrew could get some rest too. God has provided. God has protected. God has comforted. God has healed. Just like he always has before, like he always does now, and like he always will. TRUST in the Lord, you won’t regret it.

As Judah finishes up his scans this week, we anxiously await the results. I can’t tell you how ready we are to hear that the cancer is finally gone. At the beginning of the year, it felt like it would be an eternity until we reached this point. I’m so thankful we are finally here. Please continue to pray for our boy and for clear scans! We couldn’t have made it through all of this without the constant prayers and support from so many people.

Emily, August 24, 2021 (public)

It's been awhile since we have updated everyone on what’s going on with Judah. So here it goes:

Judah had a bunch of scans last week and unfortunately, the tumor is not gone. It has shrunk, which is good news, but it is still there. The tumor is in a really tricky spot, so they had a big meeting with Judah’s doctors, surgeon, and numerous specialists. The surgeon and specialists said that they did not feel comfortable operating on him at Cabell, so Dr. Finch sent Judah’s scans to a surgeon at Nationwide Children’s Hospital who specializes in pediatric oncology. We are waiting to hear back from her to see what our next step is.

There is a small chance that the cancer spread to a few lymph nodes that are close to his tumor, but his doctor said that he thinks those lymph nodes have always lit up on his MIBG scan, they just look brighter this time due to a better scan in general. Judah was sedated for the last day of this MIBG scan, so the quality is much better than the previous two since he was awake during the others.

The tumor has a small portion where blood flow is still going to it, so it’s not completely dead yet. The tumor is at the base of his skull next to his carotid artery. Lots of his facial nerves are located in this area too.

I wish so much that it was an easy procedure and he could be done with all of this, but that’s not the case. I’m hoping to hear back from Nationwide soon so we can at least move forward. If she thinks surgery is not safe or doable we may have to continue with more rounds of chemo, we may have to start radiation, or there are numerous other treatments that we could be looking at.

A good friend told me, “We can’t just beg God for what we think we need. We have to trust that he already knows and is taking care of it.” (Thank you Theresa Russell)

So please be praying for Judah. Pray that we can trust God’s plan for healing him. Pray that we can have some peace during this time of waiting. Pray for strength and healing.

#JudahStrong

#NeuroblastomaWarrior

Emily, September 20, 2021 (public)

"This is the face of a CANCER FREE baby

Our trip to Columbus left us with the best news ever. After his MRI there, the doctor/surgeon we met with (the one who suggested from his last MRI that what was left was only scar tissue) confirmed that NOTHING IS THERE! Our little man is done with this chapter and is moving forward. PRAISE GOD!! He has healed our Juju. He will be able to get his port out soon and that will truly make all of this seem more real. I can’t put into words just how thankful we are to be here and we couldn’t be here without God’s hand pulling us through every step of the way.

Thank you all for the continued prayers, love, support, encouragement, and strength. I’m so thankful for our village that spreads literally throughout the entire world now. What a story Judah has to tell "

Emily, December 15, 2021 (private)

I’m just going to be really honest for a minute.

I’ve been struggling so much lately.

I’m struggling to find rest, peace, and relief from grief. I’ve been full of anxiety and restlessness with many sleepless nights over the past few weeks. And I’m also trying to grow another baby (that may have something to do with it too lol). Since we got the call to schedule Judah’s first MRI while he is in remission I have been on edge and re-living this past year. Nightmares. Panic attacks. The whole nine yards. I think after his “cancer free” diagnosis I just repressed everything and avoided everything I could that had to do with cancer and what he went through. Such a healthy thing for me to do, right?!

Judah has been sick this week with a cold and I’m praying that it doesn’t progress anymore. His mri is supposed to be on Tuesday, so I’m just hoping he feels better by then so we can get him all checked out.

Please be praying for Judah. And thank you for those who have continued to pray for him even after his cancer has been gone. Pray that his cold clears up so he can get his scan and please pray for continued clear scans.

Emily, Tuesday December 20, 2021 (private)

Judah is still cancer free!!

He got to celebrate by getting to see all his people at the cancer center and by opening some awesome gifts! Thank you Santa and all his friends

Thank you Jesus for continued clear scans and great blood work!

Judah at the Christmas parade

We know not everyone gets good news. Our hearts break for those who don't. I am guessing that sometimes this beautiful news is savored, but has at least a tint of survivors guilt served with it. It's okay to be sad, to grieve, to be angry. To be afraid of what the next set of scans might show. To agonize over the changes and what if's and the "never will's" that life hands out. It's also okay to be relieved and to celebrate good news with great joy. Join me today in celebrating.