from wife to single

Our marriage wasn't perfect-we were two imperfect people-however, our marriage was a covenant between us as individuals 
and us as a couple before our perfect God 

for better or worse

richer or poorer

in sickness and in health

We lived through each one of those circumstances, together.

I spent 13,879 days, give or take a day or two, practicing how to share life with my husband. (If you add in the days I was interested in there being an "us" and he wasn't even aware of who I was, the number is closer to 15,000.)

We shared our hearts.

We shared dreams.

We shared hopes.

We shared plans.

We allowed God to knit us together.

We raised six children together.

We miscarried our last baby.

We buried our fathers.

We grieved together.

We shared public celebrations.

We shared private sorrows.

We shared private joys.

We shared private discouragements.

We shared private victories.

We shared private fears.

We shared private frustrations.

We were beginning to share a new freedom 
with the children grown, married and settled within the last year         and a new position at work for Bill.

There were new dreams.

There were new plans.

There were new hopes.

"...for better or worse

richer or poorer

in sickness and in health

until death do us part."

Death changes life.

Who do I turn to with all of those things I shared with Bill?
Because no one else can share them with me the way he did.

How do I adjust to not being a wife when I still feel married?

How do I make tough decisions?

Who do I tell my deepest fears to?

What do I do with frustrations?

Where do I go to simply be held?

What do I do with all of the new dreams and plans that are now nothing more than memories of exciting dreams and promising plans?

I know I am not alone.

I have a wonderful support system and I am thankful for everyone in it,
but this adjustment to being single after being contentedly married is tough.

What do I do with what is left of my heart?