happy birthday tears

Christmas 1980

some days I miss Bill so much 

that there are not enough words to explain it fully

today, celebrating the birth of our firstborn, 

Elizabeth and Sarah,

is one of those days 

I am not so much sad 

as my heart physically hurts 

grief feels like an elephant sitting on my chest

I am weary of crying

my eyes feel full of sand and have leaked all day

and my nose, 

though it has trickled,

is "crying stuffy"

and my head pounds

yet, 

somehow, 

my spirit is at peace 

and I find myself singing

"It is well, it is well with my soul"