February 29, 2016

29
Friday
just another number
just another day of the week
that is what I am working toward

Friday the 29th is still a harder day than I want it to be

today, Monday February 29, 2016 is difficult
because eighteen months ago I became a widow
when I think 18 months I translate it to a year and a half 
and I think; 
"wow, that is a long time to go without seeing someone I love"

when I think of 18 months without Bill it seems like a blink of the eye,
it can't possibly be that long since I 
last spoke with him
last kissed his lips
last held his hand
last made plans with him
and yet it also feels like a lifetime ago I did those things

sometimes I feel suspended, 
wondering what reality is,
the present without him 
or the past with him
when I know it is a blending of both

Eighteen months ago today I became a different person

I am not totally sure who that person is 

large aspects of my life remain the same

huge components of my life changed radically

the most important part of my life and identity will never change

I am God's child and I am working to become the woman He created me to be