Friday Squalls

I thought today was the day.
I thought it was the first Friday 
I was going to go 24 hours without the ugly cry.
I was wrong.
There was a mental squall*,
that led to a physical/emotional squall**.

*Mental Squall.
A time when thoughts are swirling
and I can't see what is ahead.
"A squall is a sudden, sharp increase in wind speed 
which is usually associated with active weather, 
such as rain showers, thunderstorms, or heavy snow."

**Emotional Squall.
A time when the sorrow is swirling
and I can't see beyond the moment.
"For the etymologically inclined, this word (squall) appears to derive from an Old Norse term meaning “to squeal,” a meaning people can see referenced in another common use of this word, to describe sudden loud cries from a baby."


26 weeks ago was a normal Friday night.
I was probably sitting here at the house
doing nothing in particular.
25 weeks ago was the most abnormal Friday night I will ever face. 
At least I hope it was.
And though I am doing nothing in particular tonight
doing nothing in particular feels very different.

I am a widow.
That is reality.
I don't feel like it can be real.
Reality is not based on my feelings.
I am thankful God is in control.
He is constant, He is faithful,
regardless of how I happen to feel.

More about squalls:
"After the sudden burst of bad temper on the weather's part, 

the sun may come out. 

It is not uncommon to see rainbows after such storms, 

and people may notice phenomena like half a structure being drenched in rain while the other half stays dry and sunny. 

These small, compact weather systems can pack a punch, 

and are usually gone very quickly."