snow day wishes

Eight inches or more of snow along with fridgid temperatures 

just about shut down our town today.

I have spent most of the day near the wood stove.

Toasty warm, trying to find things to keep myself busy.

This is my first snow storm without Bill.

It brought memories and longings.

Memories of Bill braving the weather and unplowed streets, 

going in to the office even if no one else could make it.

I always asked him to take a snow day, 

wishing he would, knowing he wouldn't.

Me braving the elements to shovel the driveway

so there was one less thing for him to do when he got home.

Kourtney shoveled the driveway today.

He and Sarah did not want me to do it.

I am thankful but I also had an unexpected reaction.

Resentment. (Not toward them.)

Why? 

Because Bill is not here.

Stacking wood on the porch.

Carrying wood in so I could add to the fire.

Making sure Sam and Maisey had food and water.

Making sure there was straw in their shelter.

Taking the trash cans to the front for pick-up.

Kourtney and the girls took care of those jobs.

We had indoor soccer practice tonight.

This storm brought me another "first" to add to my list.

I texted Andrew to find out if it was safe for me to drive.

He texted back that he would check.

He ended up being my transportation to KCU at 8, home at 11:15.

Those would have been Bill's jobs.

KCU cancelled classes today.

Tonight I found myself enjoying students pictures on social media

that reflected their fun sledding adventures.

I was not prepared for the sadness that hit me as mental pictures 

of taking our children sledding at KCU assaulted me along with 

wishes that Bill could take our grandchildren on those same hills.

Each one of the "snow day" things that Bill would have taken care of

have been handled by people who love me.

And I am grateful. Truly I am.

But my heart is both strangely empty and heavily weighted tonight.

I wish this snow day had no cause to end with the ugly cry.

But since it does, 
I am thankful that Jesus cares!