do you remember when?
My memory is not the greatest.
Never has been, even when I was a child.
Lumosity has validated it.
This is great for when I want to "forgive and forget."
Not so good when I need to remember something special.
I have learned to compensate-
I use the calendar on my phone and have trained myself to look at it :)
I make notes for myself.
It is hard when someone says
"You remember when...
we wentwe saw
we talked about
we planned
we did
the pressure is intensified and my performance drops
when it is said or asked,
not as a gentle question as in
"Do you remember when..."
but the other person stands looking at me
with a clear, demanding expectation
and...
I don't remember
and their disappointment is evident
it isn't that I don't care
it isn't that I was not paying attention
it's just that I do not remember
I used to beat myself up over it
I thought I was a bad friend/wife/mom/grandmother/in-law/sister/daughter
these days I am kinder to myself
as I reflect on life
I realize some of the things that are true about me:
I love, deeply, and fiercely, the people who are in my life
I live in a place where people come and go
most often in four years or less
I have had a lot of people in my life and in my home over the years
I have had to choose-
love those who are here
and focus on trying to remember what is going on in their lives
or spend all of my time looking back,
rehashing, longing for what has been and will not be again
In considering what my "problem" is
I realized something important, something freeing
I think I have consistently chosen to live today
to be thankful for each person who has crossed my path
knowing each one has been part of my growth as a Christ follower
I am resolved to not be worried that I don't remember some
(okay, many) of the details that are so clear to others
because I can spend all of my energy trying to remember the past
and be frustrated
or I can focus on living and loving in the present
and be content
I choose the present and contentment
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?"
Luke 12:25
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