Saturday night goodbye

if you read my posts daily you know that it had been a busy/crazy two months

• three trips to Ohio to spend time with family, especially my Aunt Judy
• camp team training (helping college students be prepared to spend 6/8 weeks at various Christian camps this summer representing Christ and KCU)
• KCU graduation
• birthdays and holidays
• Sarah's surgery and being with her family for eight days
• normal life stuff
• the scare with Willow Monday May 30

we ended our last two weeks of intense team training (going from 8:25 AM until after midnight most days) at a Christian camp this week from Tuesday until after breakfast Friday and wrapped up at KCU mid afternoon

my plans for the weekend

• Friday evening-simply relax on the back porch 
• Saturday day: laundry and cleaning the church
• Saturday evening: attend the wedding of one of my soccer girls
• Sunday: church and rest, make plans for the week to catch up on mail and errands so I could make a trip to Ohio after my birthday Thursday

I ended up going to clean the church and doing my laundry Friday evening. That would free up my Saturday to chill and enjoy the whole day and end it with celebrating Abby and Trevor saying goodbye to single life.

I rested well Friday night, no stress from jobs hanging over my head probably helped. I slept in. Being exhausted from training definitely influenced that. I was moving slow. I had nothing driving me to move fast. And then it came. A nudge that let me know I needed to go to Ohio sooner rather than later.

I grabbed the suitcase I had emptied just hours before. I repacked the clothes I had washed and dried the evening before. I took a quick shower. I grabbed my Bible, journals and meds and threw those in the suitcase and was out the door in less than an hour. I went back to grab the pictorial family tree I had made with photos I had mainly received from my Aunt Judy not long after my dad died, hoping to share it with her and my cousin.

I arrived at the care center my Aunt has spent the last month or so a little after 5 PM. My stepmother and cousin met me at the door shaking their heads. Initially I thought I was too late and my heart dropped. The relief I felt when my stepmother told me through tears "she is really, really bad" was huge. I walked down the hall not sure what I would see when I entered in her room. I was greeted by her friend Jessi, the hum of the oxygen machine and a very still Aunt Judy. Totally out of character because she has always been a busy lady. I sat by the end of the bed until Jessi stepped out to get a quick bite of dinner and I moved to the chair at the head of her bed. We hunted until we found the Indians game to turn on. She loved her Indians. At one point I quietly sang Amazing Grace to her. I watched her chest rise and fall. I talked to her. I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her several times. I spoke to her even when I did not think I would get a response. She opened her eyes and told me she loved me. When Sue and I stepped out of the room I would tell her where we were going and that we would be back soon. When Jessi returned she did not want her seat back so I remained at the head of the bed. Throughout the evening I continued to watch her chest rise and fall unevenly. Gradually the struggle lessened. A few minutes after 10 it was quietly over. No more weakness. No more pain. No more suffering. I am thankful I was able to spend the evening with her. Goodbye is never easy, but to be able to be there while she was still breathing and could hear me was a priceless gift. It makes this goodbye easier. Not easy, but definitely easier. 

April 18, 2016
Cousin Sue, Aunt Judy, Me
priceless