sometimes hope is hard to find-because we aren't looking in the right place

for some reason it was a teary morning 
I was not sad,
I was simply weepy,
touched by the love of Christian brothers and sisters
and every hug made my eyes leak
at one point I wasn't sure I would be able to stay
I hoped I would 

this morning's sermon was delivered by Eddie Lau,
a 19 year old young man wise beyond his years
he chose to speak about the power of the resurrection
no, he was not confused about the season,
rather, he wanted to remind us that resurrection power 
is not a thing of the past
nor is it limited to sometime in the future when Jesus comes back
rather, it is for today
it lives in us through the Holy Spirit
I thought AMEN several times, but since we are not an AMEN out loud church
I stayed quiet, except for the one time I didn't
and I came away full of an awareness of hope
and reminded of the beauty of new life

camp starts in two short weeks
it used to be the highlight of my summer
but I haven't been able to go the last 5 or 6 years
I would hope and plan
but something came up and my hope was disappointed
last year I began to lose hope,
and seriously wondered if I would ever be able to go back
so to be going this year I am nervously excited
I spent a few hours this afternoon preparing 

part of my lesson is about hope
I have charms for a craft
as I was cleaning up I dropped one
I thought I knew exactly where it had landed
but it was nowhere to be found

I was standing behind the stool on the right
it only made sense to look for it there
that is where it should be

I got down on my hands and knees and searched

still no luck

so I changed where I was looking

and I found it
but not where it "should" have been
and it hit me-
life is like that 
I was busy "tidying up" 
I put the "extra hope" away
saving it in case I needed it later
and I dropped it
I looked where I thought it would be
but it wasn't there
hope isn't always where we think it "should" be
sometimes we find it somewhere that makes no sense at all

it was dinner time so off to Wendy's I went for a 4/4 meal
yes, again
I decided a picnic on the back porch would be a good idea
I didn't want to fight Sam
but I didn't want to eat at an empty table this evening either
as I ate I saw a wasp fly to where the porch swing hangs from the ceiling
they like to make their nest there
I had hoped when the new ceiling went in they would lose their access
a closer look revealed I was wrong
it was not a wasp at all
I wondered how a grasshopper flew up there and I stood to get a better look

wrong again

it was a butterfly

I have never seen a butterfly land there

as I was trying to capture good pictures

my mind was racing 

with thoughts about the life cylce of a butterfly

about how it is a picture of new life in Christ

and about the power of the resurrection and hope

when I came in the house to write 

I knew I wanted to use the things that have filled my day

the resurrection sermon 

the "lost" hope charm

the butterfly life

I enlarged the butterfly picture on my phone, cropped it and was stunned

my heart and thoughts began racing anew

what I didn't notice when the butterfly was right in front of me

was glaringly obvious now

do you see the right wing?

it is damaged

but the butterfly didn't allow what was missing to keep it from flying

do you want to know what all of this reminded me of today?

yes, I am damaged 

perhaps you are as well

but there is still beauty and things to see and life to enjoy

I am convinced we are invited to do something

-we may not be able to do it right away-

but I think we are encouraged to take what is left after we suffer loss

and when given the opportunity

-even though we are broken-

use hope as fuel to fly anyway