Frozen Bleakness

Tuesday and Thursday mornings I attend chapel at KCU.
This morning's message, well delivered, was from Philippians 4. 
Philippians 4:6-7 were some of Bill's favorite verses. 

I left chapel swallowing tears

with memories swirling

my heart in turmoil 

and drove to Grayson Lake-

a place I often visit when I need a bit of solitude and perspective. 

When I chose this spot to stop,
I was not thinking of anything but crying out to the Lord, 
literally.
When the sobbing stopped, 
when I looked up, 
ready to take in the beauty of the scenery,
this is what I saw.
And the tears started again.

That bench, 
the one that looks over the lake and looks a little lonely today-
that is the bench Bill and I would always sit on 
when we went to the lake together-
to relax
to "talk through"
to do some dreaming
to indulge in reminiscing.

As I sat alone in the car
I realized this was another first.
I have never sat at the lake on a winter day.
I was amazed at the beauty of the frozen lake.
I thought forward to the beauty to come when the trees begin to bud.
I remembered the times we took the kids to the lake,
the KCU family picnics we enjoyed there,
the times we spent with friends on their pontoons.

Part of the grieving process for me
includes passing feelings of frozen bleakness-but 
I also see the beauty in the shades of gray and browns.
I feel the stirrings of spring,
I know summer will follow
and then my favorite, autumn.
Every season has beauty along with trials.
Thankfully, no season lasts forever.

God is faithful.

He keeps His promises.

“As long as the earth endures,
seedtime and harvest,
cold and heat,
summer and winter,
day and night
will never cease.”

Genesis 8:22