ID probs

Yesterday:
As I was getting ready to go into lunch at the cafeteria I realized 
I did not have my ID card.
Shamefaced, I told Miss Wanda.
I was sure I had left it safely zipped in my jacket pocket Monday, 
but since it was raining I had grabbed a different jacket Tuesday.
After lunch I looked for my card.
I looked for my ID in my jacket.
More than once.
I looked for my ID in my purse. 
Several times.
I looked for my ID in my jeans.
I looked for my ID in the car- I found a WalMart receipt under the driver's seat, brought it in and put it on the bar in my "stack" with other receipts I need to put away and mail I need to "do something" with.
(Anyone else have one of those?)

Reluctantly, with chagrin, 
I e-mailed the lady in charge of ID's.
"What do I need to do to get my ID card replaced. 
Again.
In 27 years I have never lost one. 
This is the second one in less than a month. 
It is probably with my brain, somewhere out there."

Last evening was family night with the soccer teams.
Games, fun, listening, talking.
Afterward I found my ID card in Joshua's office!
( I forgot I had made a quick stop there 
after doing some work in the flower beds at Lusby Monday.)

Today:
I picked up the WalMart receipt and took a quick look at it before opening the cupboard to get my folder to put it in. 
I didn't remember purchasing the items on it, so I looked at the payment method, thinking it was Sarah's. 
I drew in a sharp breath when I saw the Credit Card number and date of purchase.

My mind has been swirling all day with memories and reflections.
Of life before, with Bill and of life since, without him.
Of how what happened before has influenced my after.

Visa-0604
August 18 & 19, 2014:
Two days before my meniscus surgery.
Getting ice packs ready for after surgery.
Being thankful we'd been able to get the new sofa's with recliners.
Moving the bird bath.
Doing yard/flower bed work.
Doing some house work.
August 20:
Surgery 
August 21-28:
Recovery going well.
Huge basket of goodies and gigantic card from my soccer girls.

August 28:
Andrew driving me to my 2:00 appointment to get the stitches out.
While I was at the doctor, getting a text from Bill.
Dr. Adkins wanted to see him.
Bill's appointment at 4:30, immediately on to KDMC.
Trying to rest, my knee propped and iced, in a hospital recliner.
August 29:
Waiting.
On tests.
On results.
On doctors.
Odd breaths.
Calling the nurse.
Praying.
"Code".
Dr. Adkins coming out and telling me there was nothing they could do. 
Bill was gone.

August 6,1977 to August 29, 2014 
I was Bill's wife,
it was part of my ID.

Before August 29, 
influenced by my relationship with Bill,
I had developed an intimate relationship with God by practicing: 
talking to God
listening to God
obeying God, especially when it was hard
looking for God
relying on God
trusting God
believing God
resting in God
listening for God in the "everyday"
running to God when I was hurt
running to God when I was lonely
running to God when I was scared
running to God when I had something to celebrate.
Over the years I have learned to find my primary ID 
in who I am as God's Beloved.

I don't always "get it right".
That is why another thing I practice is running to God when I sin, 
asking for forgiveness, 
repenting, 
allowing Him to restore our fellowship.

I think that is why I am standing "After".
The One I was closest to "Before" is still here.
My plan is to keep on practicing living as His, 
finding my identity in Him,
finding my purpose in Him.
It is a sweet place to live.
It is a relationship that will never be severed.

It did not come easy.

It has taken a long time.

There have been tears, frustrations, struggles, 

disappointments, many things I did not understand or agree with,

but I have come to the point where my ID, 

my identity, 

is secure.

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God,

the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love 

with those who love Him and keep His commandments,

to a thousand generations,"

Deuteronomy 7:9

"For I am sure that neither death nor life,

nor angels nor rulers,

nor things present nor things to come, 

nor powers,

nor height nor depth, 

nor anything else in all creation,

will be able to separate us from the love of God 

in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:38-39