the thing about Fridays is...
I looked at the calender.
Guess what.
There is a Friday in every week.
Honest,
there is!
The thing about Fridays is that,
for the most part,
there were at least 2,880 of them that were simply Friday.
The thing about Fridays is that
I never counted them as "markers" in my life.
Easter is on Sunday.
Thanksgiving is on Thursday.
If you count Good Friday you could subtract 37 from the 2,880.
If Christmas or my birthday happened to fall on Friday,
that would have made it special, so you could back out a few more.
The thing about Fridays is that two changed my life-
the Friday Jesus died,
the Friday my husband died.
I didn't start out to count them 30 Fridays ago.
I don't want to continue to count them.
I just am not sure how to stop.
I keep waiting for my body to catch up to my soul in healing.
The thing about Fridays is that
I don't know how many I have left.
As a matter of fact, I don't know how many Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays or Thursdays I have.
My prayer is
that I will use each day I am given wisely,
that I will not subconsciously dread Fridays,
that each day I live I will bring glory and honor and praise to the One who already knows how many days are in my life.
"Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them."
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them."
Psalm 139:16
I lost my unborn baby two Tuesdays ago. She was beautiful. We named her Zoe for "life". I've been trying to just get on with life since then, but I'm having difficult days, moments in the midst of it all. My other five children at home need me. My husband of almost 22 years needs me. I need me back. Back to something that resembles my true self. My "Mary" self that wants to just sit at the feet of Christ. I don't understand this grief thing very well. - Julie
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you Julie. First, I am praying for you with empathy- we had six living children when I miscarried our last baby 17 years ago. Sometimes it still feels like a knife pierces my heart. Secondly-grief is individual. No one can do it for you. Your experience will not be like anyone else's. Since you reference Mary sitting at Jesus' feet I know you are familiar with that and I encourage you to, in faith, allow yourself to grieve-(to cry, to yell, to sit silently-whatever you need-) at His feet, even if there is a time when you don't "feel" like doing it. The healing will take time. I don't know how much time. Grief takes a toll mentally, physically, emotionally. For me, "it is well with my soul"-my relationship with God is deep and intimate, but my body, my mind and my feelings still need to catch up. I cry at least once every day. (There has been one 24 hour period in the last 7+ months that I did not shed a tear.) You are also dealing with hormones that are trying to get "back to normal". Two weeks is not very long. Be patient with your self. Be kind to yourself. Do what absolutely has to be done, and, if you can, delegate until you are able to take it all over again. love and prayers, (you are going on my nightly list) Donnette.
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