today UPS delivered tears

switching out the laundry this afternoon
I hear a knock at the door
I leave the laundry 

my UPS man is standing on the porch,
package in his left hand,
a smile on his face

"The college, 
does your husband still work there?"

"He passed last August."

the package gets lowered,
the smile turns to concern and regret, 
"I am sorry. I had no idea."

A brief conversation follows
and I end up with the package,
because he trusts me and the mail room is closed

When I read the name on the package my heart smiles,
it is for one of my soccer boys
that is the one redeeming thing in this situation

I close the door,
grab a box of Kleenex
and rush to the library
close the door
sit on the couch
and fall to pieces
flashback emotions rolling like thundering waves

it is 4:30 Friday evening
the same time 15 months and a week ago
the doctor was in the room 
telling us the results of testing
sharing the plan of care
spending a few extra minutes just talking with us
giving us the name of the doctor who would check on Bill in the morning

a few minutes after 6 the crash cart was in Bill's room
before 7 the doctors had cleared out 
discussions with our family doctor
necessary phone calls made
meeting the coroner
by 9:30 last good byes were said
the long ride home

Satan does not fight fair
Death stinks
and in case you wondered
I still like my UPS man
he is a really nice guy who usually makes fun deliveries