"Be still, quit wiggling"

I have a hard time sitting still
I feel bad for people who sit next to me in church
or in any other place for that matter
because, like a small child,
I continually fidget
even sitting here in the recliner,
feet up and computer on my lap
my feet are moving,
up and down,
side to side
I am a wiggle worm

I have heard God say "be still" repeatedly
as a matter of fact, a few weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon
He was especially persistent
"BE STILL"
so I sat on the porch swing for minutes at a time, 
chaffing,  squirming, thinking about what I should/could do next
over the span of the afternoon and evening
I sat for a combined total of maybe an hour and a half
even though "sit" was not what He was saying
I even wrote about practicing being still last week
but I did not do it

finally my body said "enough"
and that is why I found myself in my doctor's office Friday morning
with symptoms that prompted the nurse to do an EKG
God has been speaking clearly
encouraging me to slow down
to rest my body
to rest my mind
to rest my emotions
to allow myself time to process
to give myself time to heal
but I refused to listen

I repeat, 
so there is no mistake, 
I heard Him
His gentle wooing, 
His kind voice calling clearly
but I did not heed His voice, His invitation
I am stubborn that way sometimes
thinking that if I slow down I will be going "backward" in the healing process
whatever that means
my broken heart doing odd, painful things
has me listening and practicing stillness now and it feels good