LIAR!

any of you who are familiar with the Princess Bride movie
and have the visual of the hag shouting this at her husband 
will have a realistic picture of what is going through my head

I couldn't resist checking you tube

it did not fail to provide me with an audio clip yet again

LIAR!

that's me
I say I know people love me
I say I will ask for help when I need it
I say I trust God will provide what I need when I need it
but my thought patterns do not always line up with what I say
today I was convicted 

I have a leaking kitchen faucet
traditionally, no mater what brand of faucet I purchase
every eighteen months or so I have to replace the washers/springs
our city water is hard on them
there are any number of men I know who can do that
shoot, I have done it before 
but not on the present faucet
my son-in-law Kourtney did it for me when it last needed done
I haven't been able to catch the KCU plumber to ask his advice

I have been allowing the drip to fill cups or bowls that need washed
today I got my water bill
the leak has to stop

I took one last drive to see if I could find the plumber
I couldn't find him
so I decided to use my "phone a friend" option

"Hey Ron, my kitchen faucet is leaking. Can you come look at it?"
"I'd be glad to. I just had to replace the springs in my faucets..."
we set up a time that worked for both of us

nothing complicated, 
nothing threatening, 
it was a quick, easy peasy conversation, right?

it should have been, 
if I believe the things I say
I say it would have been

I barely finished the conversation without breaking down in tears
not the roll down your cheek quietly ones
I am talking the full out wailing cry threatened
in my car
in the parking lot at KCU where people were milling around
over a phone call
to a man who is like a brother to me
about coming to look at and repair my kitchen faucet
what in the world?

as I sat there I was convicted- 
I lie
I say I know people love me-
if I believed that I wouldn't say "I don't want to be a bother"
I say I will ask for help if I need it
if that were true the faucet (and several other things) would already be fixed
I say I trust God will provide what I need when I need it
if that were true 
I would not be so resistant to asking for help from my brother's and sisters 

pride? anger? fear?
whatever it is that has me bound
I am asking God to reveal it so I can repent