"I want my life back!"
"I want my life back!" she said in the message. I could hear the frustration and pain, even though she spoke not a word. It has been a rough season taking care of her momma and she doesn't have much help. There are people close who could and should help, but they don't often enough. My heart broke a little more for her. I wish I could ease her load and make things better but I live almost 300 miles away so I am not any help to her either. She wanted back the life that allowed her to hold down a paying job, living just a few miles from the beach with the freedom to come and go as she pleased. She wanted the life she had when her momma was healthy and she didn't have to worry about her. Feelings of helplessness and anger started creeping into my life. Followed quickly by my heart echoing her cry.
"I want my life back."
I want the life that included Bill.
The life that I thought I was going to have until I died.
But there is no going back to that life.
And there is nothing anyone can do about it.
So, I acknowledge my loss and my pain. I grab the bag of Twisted Honey BBQ Fritos from the cupboard and a Canada Dry Ginger Ale from the fridge. I find an extra box of Kleenex. I sit down with my supplies and computer. I take some time to cry. I take time to remember and I cry some more. I take time to pray for comfort. I thank God for a marriage that gave me good memories. I bask in knowing I was loved and think about how the years we spent together helped mold me into who I am now. I think about the people who are still in my life, loving me and taking care of me. I focus on the life I have been blessed with, past and present. And my heart starts to smile. Happy tears begin to leave a trail. This is my life. No one can take it from me.
"I want my life back."
I want the life that included Bill.
The life that I thought I was going to have until I died.
But there is no going back to that life.
And there is nothing anyone can do about it.
So, I acknowledge my loss and my pain. I grab the bag of Twisted Honey BBQ Fritos from the cupboard and a Canada Dry Ginger Ale from the fridge. I find an extra box of Kleenex. I sit down with my supplies and computer. I take some time to cry. I take time to remember and I cry some more. I take time to pray for comfort. I thank God for a marriage that gave me good memories. I bask in knowing I was loved and think about how the years we spent together helped mold me into who I am now. I think about the people who are still in my life, loving me and taking care of me. I focus on the life I have been blessed with, past and present. And my heart starts to smile. Happy tears begin to leave a trail. This is my life. No one can take it from me.
"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:26-28
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
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