Holiday countdown....

Every once in a while I think about the holidays/celebrations
I have yet to face for the first time without Bill.

Sometimes I think it helps to look ahead.

The list is getting shorter:

I am more than halfway through the birthday celebrations for our kids (7 down, 5 to go) and grand kids (8 down, 5 to go). 

My birthday.

Mom Bondurant's birthday.

Father's Day.

Flag Day. (Every year he put the flag out.)

July 4th.

His birthday.

Our anniversary.

After that, I will be done.

The only holiday that I looked forward to celebrating 

has kind of "turned on me" this past two weeks.

It may not make sense to you.

To be honest, it confused me at first.

The traitor? Mother's Day.

Initially I thought the nagging ache in my chest was because I would be purchasing mom Bondurant's card 

(something Bill took great joy in doing),

and I knew it would cause her pain to receive it with one name.

I cannot imagine the depth of her sorrow.

A few days ago another truth began to rudely push it's way to the surface of my consciousness. I celebrate Mother's Day because of the children this man gave me. Yes, I know God created them, knit them together and they are a gift from Him, but the process started with the physical intimacy I enjoyed with my husband. Without him, they would not be here. So, strange as it is, Mother's Day will have hard moments.

The kids and I will remember.

We will celebrate. 

We will laugh. 

I will cry. 

We will rejoice in the gift of family.

I think we may need to start a new tradition.

DQ ice cream cake. 

Or a bon fire and s'mores.

Or both.

Something involving chocolate.

Or a fire in the fire pit.

Both make my heart smile.