shatter proof ? not me

Yesterday was a long but satisfying day.
I went with Jeremy to sign a player first thing in the morning-
that is why I saw the sunrise.
I did some last minute gardening in preparation for graduation.
I attended the baccalaureate service.
I saw our 2015 nursing students get pinned.
I helped move ferns and peace lilies to decorate the stage.

I shed tears at different times, but I had a good day.
I went to my room last night and started my routine.
First: write in my thankful journal-

"Today I was given the gift of seeing the sunrise-
and meeting Jacob and being a part of his signing..."
Second: write notes about the day in my calender.

The next thing I know I am on my knees, 
face buried in my comforter,
sobs shaking my body.



"Father, I feel shattered . 
I want to be held, but those arms are not available. 

Please, provide- and help me to recognize Your provision."




It is a little after Midnight. Everyone I know is tired.
I don't want to wake my children. They are grieving too.
I don't want to wake a friend. They have all had a long week.

I find myself in the fetal position around the ottoman of my glider
experiencing a deep, guttural, painful but cleansing cry 
as I continue to pray.
I hear my text alert. 
A simple heart, 
sent from a friend who walks this journey with me.
No words are needed to know what she is saying.

That could have been the end of our "visit."

But it wasn't. 

She reached out again-

Permission granted,

a reminder given-

it is okay to be broken.

A gentle call to remember the truths I'd written a few hours before 

in my post about the sunrise.

And empathy .

I think of things she she can pray for.

I think we are done for the night.

We are not. She sends this link.

More writing in my journal.

"The ugly cry hit hard and violent a little after midnight.

God sent a text from Staci Proietti-

she was His gift to me tonight."

Staci gets "it". 

She gets me.

And even in the midst of her own grief, 

she reaches out to me.

I love you sweet Staci! Thank you.