From Mourning to Morning

the sunrise our last morning

"...Weeping may tarry for the night,

    but joy comes with the morning."

from Psalm 30:5

I was in bed before midnight last night

trying to break the cycle 

of staying up until the wee hours of the morning

I rolled over,

caught a faint whiff that reminded me of Bill

and it caused the dam to break

resulting in waves of mourning-

my heart pounding between my temples

hearing it beating in my ears

feeling like a jack hammer was working in my chest

as tears began in earnest

I turned my face into my pillow,

to keep from waking the babies,

and I realized the howling that reminded me of Sam when sirens hurt his ears

was sounds coming from deep inside me

two hours passed

and in that time

the "good" Kleenex began to feel like sand paper

it feels like there is grit in my eyelids

there is only one dry spot left on the single pillow I am able to sleep with

I don't want to think about what is in my hair 

and my mind has been in overdrive

even though my mind and emotions and body 

have to endure these sometimes raging storms that accompany grief

my soul has unexplainable peace, rest and hope 

"But this I call to mind,

and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is Your faithfulness.

'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul,

therefore I will hope in Him.”

Lamentations 3:21-24