word induced whiplash

If I heard it once growing up,

I heard it a million times:

(and that probably is not much of an overstatement)

"Watch your tone of voice.

It isn't what you say, it is how you say it."

the things you hear, in passing, can give you whiplash

the other day I passed a mom shopping with her teen-age daughter
mom picked up an item 
girl, incredulously: "are you buying that for yourself?"
mom, hesitantly: "yes"
(I think it was face cleaner or make up, 
not a scandalous outfit or anything potentially embarrassing)
girl, haughtily entitled: "well, I need it"

I may be getting old because I wanted to snatch the girl bald headed
after asking her if she had a job earning money so she could pay for it.
I wanted to tell the mom to stand up for herself.
I didn't do either,
all I did was shake my head in wonder and thank God for my kids.

today as I passed the jewelry section of Sears on my way to a check out kiosk 
I saw a young man looking at some boxed costume jewelry
on my way out of the store I saw that he had moved to the jewelry counter

clerk, hoping for a big sale: "looking for something for that special lady?"
man, so hesitantly I thought he was bashful: "yeah..."
I was impressed thinking this guy has it together, 
Valentines Day is still three weeks away!
and then the rest of his statement computed in my brain
man, clearly not overly interested: "but nothing that costs too much"
clerk, conspiring in let's fool the woman: "I got you man"

my heart was breaking for the special woman in this man's life,
as frustration/anger began to boil,
because unless I read him wrong,
it wasn't: "I don't have much to spend, this is my dollar limit"
as much as it was: "I don't want to spend much, what do you have cheap?"

I found myself shaking my head again, 
thanking God for my husband
who would have gladly spent his last dime to buy something nice for me

it makes me wonder,
as people watch me when I am out and about, 
what are they left with after hearing my tone of voice and seeing my attitude

the things you and I say, in passing, can give people whiplash

If you talked to my kids they would probably tell you

"If mom told us this once,

she told us a million times".

(I don't know about a million times) 

but this is a verse we talked about often

and is one I had them memorize when they could understand it, 

but only after I had unpacked it and started practicing it in my own life. 

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,

but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, 

that it may benefit those who listen."

Ephesians 4:29

Words are powerful. 
So are attitude and tone of voice. 
They hold the power to heal and the power to destroy. 
Our words impact not only the ones we are speaking to, 
but all who get the spill over from our conversations. 
Some of my most uncomfortable memories are from ugly words, hateful attitudes that I have heard, directed not at me, but at someone else.

And I know I do not always get it right, 
but I am definitely a whole lot more aware
and working harder to allow the Spirit to guard my tongue than I used to be.