Good grief, it's mourning again

This week I am helping with KCU camp teams. Tonight at campfire part of what the speaker said was "We are afraid of what we don't know." That statement of truth led me to thinking about mourning and grief and how different they look to me now than they did when Bill died.

it sneaks up on me

this thing called mourning

which is not at all the same as grief

mourning and grief are not new to my life 

but Bill's death plunged me to a deeper level of both

one I would never have imagined was possible to live with or embrace

at first I was terrified and I confused the two,

actually, 

I didn't know that they are two separate things

mourning is something that comes and goes

sometimes it lingers, 

sometimes it passes quickly like a spring shower

mourning is the elephant sitting on my chest

the tears that slip down my cheeks

the ugly cry that comes out of nowhere

the weariness that no amount of sleep will take care of

the fog that clouds my vision 

the monster that blocks my ability to think clearly

mourning does not last forever

grief, on the other hand,

is my constant companion,

it is woven into the very fiber of my being

grief is knowing I have lost something 

something that can never be replaced

and treasuring the fact I had something worth missing

grief drove me to seek God's face more fiercely than I ever had

therefore, I am thankful for grief 

grief can be an excellent teacher

I am learning new depths of living as a result of the work 

that is a result of good mourning and good grief

practical, freeing, empowering things like

• live in the present (because the present is where we live)
• take advantage of opportunities (there are no guarantees)
• the little things are really the most important things
• to try new things (like jumping on the trampoline)
• to be silly sometimes (life is short)
• to risk being embarrassed (the alternative is to never grow)
• to be thankful for moments (they are what memories are made of)

sometimes memories pile up and tip the scales

and mourning,

the sadness that weighs heavy,

has it's way, 

tears fall and the weight is lifted

good mourning is a real thing

good mourning encourages healing

good mourning helps me find balance in life

good mourning allows me to discover the good in grief

good mourning deepens my relationship with God

good grief opens my eyes to how weak I am 

good grief allows me to experience how strong God is

good grief teaches me to hold on to what is important 

good grief helps me to identify mourning 

good grief enables me to let mourning happen