sometimes I be livin' the hamster life ...

have you ever watched a hamster on a wheel 
moving as fast as it can
the wheel whizzes round and round
but it gets nowhere

some times I feel absolutely spent
I am working as hard as I am able to work to move forward
but there are days I accomplish absolutely nothing
other than causing the wheel to make an annoying squeak

I am well aware that life does not stop for grief,
rather it is woven into our story as life progresses
but no matter what I do, there are parts of me that get stuck
in what might best be described as emotional quicksand
occasionally grief tries to suck me down into oblivion
and the harder I fight against it or try to run away from it
the quicker I find myself sinking deeper and deeper

so I have learned that when dark feelings threaten to overwhelm me
I need to stop struggling and be still
as I throw my hands up
and cry out to the God of Light to save me 


as I quit striving the annoying squeak stops
and though the world may not recognize what is happening,
great work is being done in the stillness 
of waiting on Him and being aware of His presence

"Wait for the Lord;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
    wait for the Lord!"

            Psalm 27:14