seriously?

The last 18 hours have been full and strange.

It started with a text and photo of Sarah from Beth at 10:25 last night-Sarah was not feeling well. Pain. High fever. Sarah had surgery 11 days ago. The scenarios for what it might be was scary. After debating what to do for an hour and a phone call to the doctor who did the surgery Beth took Sarah to the ER. By 1 AM we had a diagnosis: UTI. If there was ever a time to be thankful for a UTI, this is the time.

This morning I awoke from a dream in which I was having trouble with something and suddenly my dad was standing next to me-pale, stooped, fragile, in pain. I instinctively knew he had pushed himself to stand and he was leaning heavily on the front side panel of a car, looking over it to address the issue (he was an auto mechanic for years, so this was not an unusual position to see him in) and he caught his breath, like that slight additional movement had increased his pain level. I put my arm out to support him and found myself wrapped up in his arms, suddenly worry free, sheltered from whatever the difficulty was. I woke torn. He has been gone 13 years. 

I came to camp team training this morning, concern for Sarah and confusion over why I would dream about my dad on my mind. At 10:59, when we took a break, I sent a text to Beth asking how they were doing. We resumed class time and I was sitting in the row behind the kids listening to Kyle. I felt someone touch my arm at about 11:30 . I looked up at a pale faced, tight lipped Ruth, tears brimming and heard whispered words no one ever wants to hear, "...she stopped breathing". Thankfully they were followed quickly by assurance that Willow, my 5 year old granddaughter was now stable. They were life-flighting  her to Lexington Children's hospital.

When we broke for lunch Jeremy asked one of the camp teamers to pray for our meal and for Willow's situation. Part of her prayer was, "and whatever happens, let them know it is part of God's design." I am going to be blunt-when I heard those words I was angry. I was hurt. I wanted to yell things that were not gentle and kind. I wanted to tell God what He was allowed to do. I know the truth of her statement. I used words like that when I spoke to people who checked on me and tried to comfort or encourage me as I kneeled or sat in prayer outside of the room where doctors worked on Bill almost two years ago. Today I told God I did not want to face another loss. 

After taking my fear and running to the Father with it, I am much calmer. I am able to say with peace and confidence, just as I did 21 months ago, "no matter what happens, I know that God loves me. He loves us. I know He has a plan. An eternal plan. And He is working that plan in and through this too."

Blood work and x-rays have been taken. It may be a Vagal reaction which is something Sarah had and outgrew. Willow and Sarah will be spending the night at the hospital. An EEG and ECHO are ordered for tomorrow. While we wait we are resting in the arms of God and praying that those who are involved in Willow's care have wisdom and discernment.

When I am afraid,

    I put my trust in you.

In God, whose word I praise,

    in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.

    What can flesh do to me?

Psalm 56:3&4 

These are verses I taught my kids when they were young and were afraid of different things. 

Guess what the verse of the day on biblegateway.com was today. 

My heart is smiling. Again. Seriously.

Sarah and Willow this evening