okay translated

friend: 

"Hi! How are you?" 

me: 

"I am okay."

friend: 

"Just okay? 

Why? 

What is wrong?

 Is there something I can pray about?"

I have been a part of this conversation many times since Bill's death.

If I have had it with you, please do not be offended by this post

and please know I have not been offended by your question.

As a matter of fact, I appreciate your asking if you can pray.

The answer is ALWAYS yes.

"I am okay."

Okay means my life is not falling apart and unravelling at the seams.

And that is a victory since the other part of my "two become one" is gone.

Okay means I am not cowering under the covers in my bed.

Even though that is sometimes very tempting.

Okay means I am learning to live a life that looks nothing like I planned.

I am sad but I am not allowing sadness to dominate my life.

Okay means I am not giving up living and growing and changing.

And sometimes it is sheer determination, not desire, that drives me.

I could go on, but know that when I tell you,

"I am okay"

it could be translated to,

"I am really something of a champion these days", 

not because I am doing anything spectacular,

but because I am doing mundane and ordinary things everyday 

whether I feel like doing them or not and some days I do "extra" stuff.

Somedays I struggle, hard. 

If you ask me how I am on one of those days

I will tell you "it's a rough day" or something of the sort.

Most days are easier now than they were, especially at first.

If you catch me on an exceptionally easy day

and ask how I am you will hear something like, "It is a really good day."

If you catch me on an "okay" day,

pray for a spectacular day if you want to,

but rejoice with me that when I say I am okay, I am good.

What makes me okay is I know without a doubt that

I am loved, protected and provided for by God Almighty,

and He is working His eternal plan.

Bonus: He allows me to be part of that plan.

I am more than okay with trusting Him to continue to do all things well.