different
A broken heart is a real thing.
When you live with a broken heart, life is different.
Today I had more energy than my new normal has allowed me. That was a welcome different. I don't know if it was that energy, or if it was a desire to not think about how different my life is that drove me. I worked like a wild woman. I organized the out building and Bill's home office. I played in the dirt and got my viola's planted.
Today I called my insurance agent with a question and I found out how different it can feel to hear the words "the check is here". Today they felt like a plunging knife.
Today I discovered that depositing the last life insurance check is no different than depositing the first one was four days ago. I was smarter this time-I filled out the deposit slip, signed the check and asked Andrew to take it the bank by himself so I could do the ugly cry here at home. The first time I indulged sitting in the comfort of a lawn chair in the privacy of the outbuilding and the second time I was in the comfort of my own home, but not so privately- I used Bre's shoulder. I thought I was snotting on my own hair, but discovered it was hers-she left and got a shower soon after.
When you live with a broken heart, life is different.
Today I had more energy than my new normal has allowed me. That was a welcome different. I don't know if it was that energy, or if it was a desire to not think about how different my life is that drove me. I worked like a wild woman. I organized the out building and Bill's home office. I played in the dirt and got my viola's planted.
Today I called my insurance agent with a question and I found out how different it can feel to hear the words "the check is here". Today they felt like a plunging knife.
Today I discovered that depositing the last life insurance check is no different than depositing the first one was four days ago. I was smarter this time-I filled out the deposit slip, signed the check and asked Andrew to take it the bank by himself so I could do the ugly cry here at home. The first time I indulged sitting in the comfort of a lawn chair in the privacy of the outbuilding and the second time I was in the comfort of my own home, but not so privately- I used Bre's shoulder. I thought I was snotting on my own hair, but discovered it was hers-she left and got a shower soon after.
Today was different.
Tomorrow will be different too.
Tomorrow I will be putting some things in the out building.
Tomorrow I will be asking Jonathan or Andrew to put some things in the attic for me.
Tomorrow I will have happy viola faces smiling at me when I look out my kitchen window.
Today my heart ached.
Tomorrow my heart will still ache.
Today I had friends and family praying for me.
Tomorrow I will still have friends and family praying for me.
Today I was loved and held and provided for by God Almighty.
Tomorrow I will still be loved and held and provided for by God Almighty.
Today I did my best to walk by faith, in obedience.
Tomorrow I will still try to walk, by faith, in obedience one step, one situation at a time.
Today I rejoice in the relationship I share with God because of all He has done.
Tomorrow I will still rejoice in the intimate, sustaining, rich relationship I have with God .
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