Tonight, I want to be held

In my spirit

I know God loves me.

I know He sees me.

I know He cares.

I know He holds me.

I know He is with me.

I know He provides everything I need.

Every.

Single.

Thing.

Every.

Single. 

Time.

I know He is never late.

In my flesh

the last three days have been long.

Emotionally draining.

And tonight, tonight I am tired.

My emotions are battered,

my mind is worn.

On this cold, wet evening

what I want

is to simply 

curl up on a couch

with a fire in the wood burning stove

and be held

(nothing sexual)

by someone with flesh and blood.

Would I want Bill to come back?

Now that he has gone, NO! A thousand times, NO!

He is in the presence of our great God,

without distraction or hindrance.

Years ago I read a small book

that had a huge impact on my life.

"The Practice of the Presence of God"

written by Brother Lawrence.

He chose to practice being aware of God's presence.

I have found that we get good at what we practice.

I have been thinking about the presence I lost.

There is nothing wrong with that.

But I must not get into the habit 

of practicing those thoughts.

As I choose to 

Practice the Presence of God

I find comfort

I find rest

I find assurance

I find that I am challenged.

I must choose to trust

that God will continue to provide

what I need, when I need it.

It may not come the way I expect it.

It may not come when I think I need it.

But He is faithful.

He will provide.

He has NEVER failed.

My mind is drawn to Jesus' admonition to Peter:

Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Mark 14:38

I must watch.

I must pray.

I am weak.

Without God's Spirit at work in me

I will fall into temptations,

too many to list,

I will believe Satan's lies.

The truth is that God is enough.

He is more than enough.

And I find that as I have sat and cried and wrote,

He has filled my desire to be held.

I am tempted to "pretty" this post up.

But it was definitely a process to get here-

so, I will leave it as I wrote it.

Is being held by God

the same as being held by flesh and blood?

No, but it is infinitely more lasting.

I find that is satisfying from the inside out.

And no gossip can be started by being held by Him.