Focus

"Why am I here?"

(was my angry question)

as I sat in a plastic bleacher seat

(I really wanted my lawn chair)

on this cold, cloudy, dreary Wednesday afternoon.

(soccer mom duty)

I was tired,

(enough that I may have dozed)

I was cold,

(even with a coat, scarf, gloves and blanket)

I was ready to quit.

(would they notice if I wasn't there?)

My focus was on me,

and when coach challenged the players
with the following idea 
(I am paraphrasing)
"If you have a bad attitude
you don't need to be on my field
I don't want you on my field"
I almost left practice.
My attitude today stunk.
I simply didn't want to think about anyone
other than myself.
I didn't want to work at living life well.

As I reflect on how different this evening ended

(as opposed to how it started)-

I realize I am blessed
(and I did nothing to deserve it.)
As I reflect on God's mercy and grace
(which He lavishes on me)

"I am so thankful"

(is my recurring thought )

as I sit on my sofa writing this post

(with the recliner mechanism engaged)

with my wood burner warming the room

(Andrew added wood before he left.)

Once again God has faithfully provided

what I needed 
when I needed it.

Last night I needed to be alone and

to refocus on seeking Him to be satisfied.

Tonight I needed to spend time

talking with my children

snuggling with my grandchildren

listening to Spencer work out his sermon

so I could refocus on the importance 

of practicing living life in community.

I must first seek intimacy with Him because
He alone satisfies my deepest longings.

I must then seek like minded believers to share life with
because they challenge me to live out what He teaches me.

If I neglect either thing-
a close relationship with Him
or a close relationship with like minded believers,

I lose hope
I get pouty
I become weak

I become angry
I become selfish
I become unkind

I become discontent
I lean toward being a hermit
I forget I am God's beloved child
I forget He wants to work in and through me.

"Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, His body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Hebrews 10:19-25