tomorrow, tomorrow. I love you tomorrow

What a day it has been.

I didn't sleep well.

I woke up and fell back asleep.

I had a dream that Bill and I were together at a church.

We were setting up for a Christmas celebration.

I kept thinking "something is wrong"...

I couldn't figure it out.

I knew it was something going on with me, not Bill.

Then I looked down at what I was wearing.

That was it. 

A sports bra and shorts are NOT appropriate church attire.

But it made me smile when I woke up.

Because just like in life,

in my dream Bill never said a negative word to me.

(Disclaimer: in real life he would not have let me forget to dress before going out in public.)

The sun was streaming through the windows as I woke up-

it felt like a smile from God and a kiss from Him on my face.

This afternoon I got to watch a young man be baptized.

I was approached by two different women at that celebration.

One I had never met.

Both started with "I am sorry about your husband. I (we) pray for you."

What a comfort.

That quickly turned to torture.

"So, he didn't know..."

and both wanted a rehash of the hardest day of my life.
It was almost as if they had tag teamed.
I barely recovered from the first encounter
before I was approached by the second woman.

The second one concluded with, "well, you got more time together than a lot of people." 
Spoken by a woman whose husband was standing beside her-
and I am guessing they have celebrated well over 50 years together. 

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to throw my phone.

I thought about climbing up onto one of the tables 

and shouting to the whole group;

"Yes, my husband died three months ago today.

No, we did not know what was wrong.

Yes, it was sudden.

Yes, we did have 38 wonderful years together.

But 38 years is not enough.

When you love someone there is never enough time with them.

Ever."

Instead, I went into hiding and texted a few friends to ask for prayer support. I even asked one if she had bail money. Because I didn't know if I was going to get out of there without throwing punches.

The rest of the evening was uneventful emotionally,

except for watching Sarah and Kourtney and the girls say goodbye to his family and a few friends who have stopped by the house.

Now we are finishing up last minute packing.

Next we clean.

Hopefully we will sleep.

Tomorrow morning we head to Kentucky.

A new chapter begins.

I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for us.