some things are better left unsaid
"How are you?"
I am sad. Not unhappy, but sad. I have joy, but I hurt.
You don't want to hear that I am sad and hurt, so I will say "I am okay" or "Hanging in there". I don't have the energy to explain.
"You doing okay" or "You doing good?"
Could you please define "okay and good"?
I am doing what I can, when I can, as I can. I do what I have to do. Sometimes I do what I want to do. Often I do not.
"He was too young."
I thought so too.
The last few years when he said, "if anything happens to me" I said, "based on genetics, you have at least 30 more years". I was wrong.
"You are a strong woman. You will make it through this."
You are wrong.
I am far from strong. Any strength you see in me is Jesus leaking out. He is what gets me through life.
"At least you have your kids."
I am thankful for them.
But they are not my husband and cannot take his place in my life. And they miss their daddy. We are all grieving.
"I am still praying for you."
Thank you.
Because I still hurt every single day. Sometimes I feel like my chest is being crushed in a vise and my limbs are weighted.
"You had a good, long marriage."
But it wasn't long enough.
I was counting on at least 60 years together.
Time spent with someone you love is never enough time.
"What can I do to help?"
Most of the time I do not have an answer for you.
I don't know what you are able, willing or interested in doing. If you are not specific, I won't ask. I don't have the courage or strength to.
"You will get over this."
I don't have a cold or the flu.
Grief is not something you "get over".
It is dark threads you learn to allow God to weave into your story.
"He's in a better place."
That is what makes this grief bearable.
That is what keeps me from losing my mind some days.
"If there is anything I can do, just call."
I won't.
See "What can I do to help?"
"I bet you miss him."
Why yes Sherlock Holmes, yes I do.
What was your first clue?
"I can't imagine how you feel".
Thank you for not pretending that you know.
"Things just aren't the same without him."
I agree.
I am sad. Not unhappy, but sad. I have joy, but I hurt.
You don't want to hear that I am sad and hurt, so I will say "I am okay" or "Hanging in there". I don't have the energy to explain.
"You doing okay" or "You doing good?"
Could you please define "okay and good"?
I am doing what I can, when I can, as I can. I do what I have to do. Sometimes I do what I want to do. Often I do not.
"He was too young."
I thought so too.
The last few years when he said, "if anything happens to me" I said, "based on genetics, you have at least 30 more years". I was wrong.
"You are a strong woman. You will make it through this."
You are wrong.
I am far from strong. Any strength you see in me is Jesus leaking out. He is what gets me through life.
"At least you have your kids."
I am thankful for them.
But they are not my husband and cannot take his place in my life. And they miss their daddy. We are all grieving.
"I am still praying for you."
Thank you.
Because I still hurt every single day. Sometimes I feel like my chest is being crushed in a vise and my limbs are weighted.
"You had a good, long marriage."
But it wasn't long enough.
I was counting on at least 60 years together.
Time spent with someone you love is never enough time.
"What can I do to help?"
Most of the time I do not have an answer for you.
I don't know what you are able, willing or interested in doing. If you are not specific, I won't ask. I don't have the courage or strength to.
"You will get over this."
I don't have a cold or the flu.
Grief is not something you "get over".
It is dark threads you learn to allow God to weave into your story.
"He's in a better place."
That is what makes this grief bearable.
That is what keeps me from losing my mind some days.
"If there is anything I can do, just call."
I won't.
See "What can I do to help?"
"I bet you miss him."
Why yes Sherlock Holmes, yes I do.
What was your first clue?
"I can't imagine how you feel".
Thank you for not pretending that you know.
"Things just aren't the same without him."
I agree.
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