August

Life is not what I thought it was going to be.
The month of August is full of important memories. 
Some wonderful, some not. 

When I was a child, August marked the end of summer.
School began the week after Labor Day. 
Those last, hot days of freedom were enjoyed in front of a fan 
or under the shade of a tree. Swimming. Catching fireflies.

I crossed from childhood to young womanhood in August.
Bill asked me out mid August to a concert August 30,1976. 
We spent time together almost everyday after that. 
38 years is more than 13,870 days. That is a lot of days.

August 6, 1977 I became Bill's wife. 
Life changed. 
Priorities shifted.

August 29, 2014 I became Bill's widow. 
Life changed. 
Priorities shifted.

I do not want to forget the past, 
but I cannot live there.
Nor can I live in a world of "what might have been."
Life is present. It now requires different plans, will have new dreams.

I have to look at what I have "always done",
and decide what I want to continue to do.
I have to establish who I am without my husband.
I want to create good memories to add to my old ones.

I do not want to dread August.
I want to live August, and every other month I am given,
on purpose, with joy, in hope, sharing life with people I love.