Stop the train!

The enemy does not fight fair.
That may be a "duh" statement, but sometimes I think we fool ourselves into thinking he will or he should. 

Friday evening and Saturday morning our KCU soccer teams went to Howell's Mill for team bonding. It was wonderful. Between leaving and getting back something attacked me.
When I responded to Sarah's "Good morning mom" yesterday she did a double take and said "What is wrong? You sound like a man." My voice is deeper, my nose is stuffy and runny, yes, at the same time, coughs are occasional, and my throat is scratchy. I keep Kleenex and cough drops close. I think it is only an allergy. 

As I was walking out to the turf for practice yesterday afternoon my right ankle/Achilles area was a little sore-and got progressively more sore as the evening went on. I do not remember doing anything to cause it-no extra walking, no twisting it, no strenuous exercises, but at one point I questioned whether or not I would be able to climb the stairs to go to bed last night.

Sarah took one look at me last night before she went to bed and insisted I take my temperature. It was slightly elevated, and after hearing me cough she said, "I think you may be going to see Dr. Adkins tomorrow. That cough is deep."

My train of thought started down a track that led to no where good. 

I haven't been sick once in the last year.
Many opportunities have presented themselves.
So why now, why multiple things this week?
Am I simply  "unlucky"-or is it part of a spiritual battle?
I will let you decide for yourself.

Last night I did not know if I would be able to make it to chapel this morning. I desperately knew I needed to go, so I took some medicine, went to bed early and kept my foot elevated as much as I could. 

One year ago this morning I was five days out from knee surgery and not permitted to drive so Bill came home to get me for chapel. We did not make it because he was not feeling well. If I had stayed home this morning, I would have stoked the engine of that train of thought that wants to run away with me to an ugly place. That is why I needed to go this morning. Going would put brakes on the train.

Some of the cars that are attached to that train?

My surgery was on my right knee-this ankle thing is my right ankle. 

The "beginning of the end" started with not going to chapel.

If I have to go to the doctor, I will reluctantly go. Not because I do not want to see the doctor, but because I do not want to see the doctor this week. One year ago today Bill went to see Dr. Adkins because he was not feeling well. We were also in his office Thursday afternoon for consultation. Thursday evening we headed to the hospital together. Friday night I came home alone. 

Logic has nothing to do with the direction this train was headed.

Late this morning I had another thought. 
One that put huge brakes on the train, as a matter of fact, it actually stoked the engine for a new train of thought:
What happened this week last year can never happen again. 
It. Can. NEVER. Happen. Again.
My heart found relief. 
I will never face losing Bill again. 
He is already home.
Acknowledging that truth doesn't make missing him any easier, 
but it makes facing the rest of this week less unsettling.

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints."

Psalm 116:15