foot in mouth disease 195/366

I suffer from foot in mouth disease. I became aware of it years ago. It used to be an acute case, but I have prayed and I have memorized Scripture to help fight the battle against it. I have repented and practiced stopping to think before I speak. There are other tools I use to keep me from needing an extraction and I am on the path of healing, but occasionally I don't use the "remedies" and a flare up occurs.

Friday afternoon I volunteered to help a friend with a project. An acquaintance came by my work area and made a teasing statement toward my friend, then invited me to join her in the teasing. I have no idea of what the relationship dynamics are between the two of them. It could be perfectly acceptable to both parties, reciprocated by my friend. But the words hit a sour note with me. 

I haven't prayed for a guard over my mouth on a regular basis lately, and it showed.  My response to the invitation to "bait" my friend was instantaneous. It was concise. There was no doubt what my thoughts were.

After the words were out of my mouth, I heard what I'd said, how I'd said it and realized they were words that would have been better left unspoken. I don't think my friend heard them. There was no response from the acquaintance.

As the weekend progressed I was convicted: what I said was rude. I held onto half a hope that the acquaintance hadn't heard me since she hadn't said anything in response. I knew, without a doubt I owed her an apology regardless. The thing I wrestled most with was how to go about it.

I could text her. That would be easiest. It would be quick. But it wouldn't be right.
This needed to be a conversation.
I could call her! But since the offense was in person the apology should be too. We were going to work on phase 2 of the project Monday. I determined I would make it right as soon as I saw her.

I was tempted to go into the conversation with an explaination:

• sometimes my mouth speaks before my mind is in gear
• I was tired...
• If I offended you...
• I was teasing YOU like you were teasing her...

and while there may be some truth in those statements, they were also smoke screens to cover up my responsibility. If I used any of them or others that came to mind I would not be owning up to my sin. I would not be showing her love, honor or respect.

I left my house this afternoon armed with humility. When I met her at the door I told her "I owe you an apology for what I said Friday", fully prepared to refresh her memory or explain it to her if she had indeed not heard me. Since she repeated my words verbatim there is no doubt the apology was valid and necessary. 

What makes me most sad and concerned is how easily sarcasm and meanness can get lodged into my heart and come out to hurt unsuspecting people. Time to begin anew putting into practice some basics for good oral and heart health.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way."

Psalm 139:23-24

"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth;
Keep watch over the door of my lips." 

Psalm 141:3

 “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." Luke 6:43-45