from storm to calm (WAIT for it)

sometimes the pain is overwhelming
as it delivers a sucker punch to your gut
or your windpipe,
you aren't sure which 
or maybe it was both, a one, two series

literally, you feel it
you try to draw your breath
and find yourself taking shallow ones
because you can't seem to get one deep enough 
to fill your lungs

your stomach violently protests 
and threatens to empty its contents
as anguish erupts from depths you are not familiar with
and you wonder
"how am I ever going to make it through this"

tonight, August 22, 2016
just a week away from the two year mark of Bill's death
I was there
and I am surprised by this intensity 
of a grief I thought I was getting to know pretty well

as the emotional hurricane subsides-
my tears are spent,
and the pressure I didn't know was stockpiled has been released
I hear a word whispered:
wait

I am challenged by Scripture I hid in my heart years ago

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:14 

as I wait before Him the Holy Spirit reminds me of other verses:

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

as I go to Him for rest

I am reminded of the acrostic that is the platform for Miss Kentucky 2016
W A I T
What Am I Thinking
and as Philippians 4:4-8 comes to mind
I yell "Stop!"
to the wildness that seeks to run rampant in my mind

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice." 

(Rejoice ALWAYS.)

"Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

(Because the Lord is at hand there is more than sufficient cause to rejoice. He is the stabilizing force that allows us to be reasonable rather than out of control. The Lord is near.  So stop. No, really, stop what you are doing and be thankful. Allow that beautiful truth to soak into your innermost parts. He is near. He tells us how to keep the enemy from distracting us with worry or anxiousness-take every single thing to Him in prayer.)

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

(As we rejoice, as we bask in the nearness of God, as we take everything to Him in prayer, we find His peace enter our heart and our mind. Peace that is beyond comprehension. Once worry and anxious thoughts are kicked out, what are we supposed to do?)

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  

(I find that when I use this verse as the measure for what I dwell on there is not enough room in my mind for worry or anxiousness to get comfortable.)

Because of who I am in Christ I have hope. Through the storms that threaten, beat on me and do their best to destroy me I am confident. I have peace. 

"...we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain,  where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek." from Hebrews 6:18-20

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4